The Journal of a Heartbroken Girl

Day 24

Today would've been our 1 year and 3 month anniversary.

It's incredible how it feels like none of it was ever real now.

It's just another day.

And it feels like all those days in a year and two months were just days too. They were special and now they're gone. They don't exist anymore.

I texted him. I was hesitant but it's late and I know he'll see it in the morning and not reply.

I sent some old screenshots where we expressed this great and beautiful eternal love.

"Today would've been.. idk it just doesn't seem like any of it was real now."

Strange.

To my surprise I woke up to "all of it was real."

I waited till 4pm to respond.

"It just feels like it was so long ago."

Never a response. Oh well.

Why does it feel like the last year was a blur? Like I don't really know what happened in it.

It's crazy how you can be with someone for so long and feel like it's all a blur. A distant memory. Something you'll never get back.

It's crazy how you can be with someone for so long and now feel like you don't know them at all.

What was the point?

Then I realize.

I was sure you were the one. My mind and my heart were set on it just being us two. I was so busy preparing for it to be forever I never prepared myself for this heartache.

Maybe what I think isn't what it really is. Maybe it's over because I'll be gone soon and you couldn't handle it. Maybe it was too much.

And that's unfair to me.

But life isn't fair and I know that.

Now I know that planning something with someone doesn't always mean that it'll follow through or they will.

You can't trust your heart with anyone.

But I trusted my heart with him and I'm not mad about it. I don't regret it.

And now I know to prepare myself for heartache instead of forever.

But if forever does happen... I'll love just like I loved him.