I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY KUYA?! (SEASON 2) [TO BE PUBLISHED UNDER SUMMIT]

b4. Chapter #164 : Depression

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Please play the music for better reading
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( paki repeat na lang yung kanta pag natapos nyo. Para habang nagbabasa kayo, damang dama nyo ung bawat lines and bawat story )

/ cut na pala yung scene nila aj and lily na yung sa may winslow gardens since i ran out of ideas hahaha, so please let me make bawi to this chappy! /

Sharine.

At nandito pa rin kami sa jeju. I hate the fact that kuya just died. So dinner na pala namin. Umuulan pala sa labas. Kakarating lang din nila alfred, aj, and lily. I don't know why every piece of me is falling down..

Falling down in pieces. I dont even know what to do right now.

Kaya imbes na sumama ako sakanila sa may balcony, kasi naguusap sila. I decided to go back to my room.

I dont why pero...its like someone's telling me to just cry and weep.

No, hindi talaga ito yung gusto ko. Pero, i want kuya. I just want kuya. I just want kuya.

At nandito ako ngayon sa room ko. Still covered in my blankets, curtains were closed, door was locked, still holding my tummy never endlessly.

" Bakit...BAKIT PA KASI AKO LUMAYAS?! HINDI NAMAN KASI ITO AABOT SA GANITONG PUNTO! " i said to my self while holding my fists together.

I will never forgive myself. Not anymore.

Never will i...ever forgive myself.

" why would someone like me...why.." sabi ko na lamang.

Gusto ko nang mamatay. Gusto kong mamatay. I want to end my life as well.

At bigla naman akong napatayo. At binuksan ang cabinet ko katabi lang nang kama ko.

" kuya! Kuya! Kuyaaa! " sabi ko habang umiiyak never-endlessly.

" NO...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! " sabi ko na lamang habang hawak hawak ko ang letter na nakita ko dun sa may room ko. Hindi ko lang pinulot that time kasi, tinamad ako. Pero one time kasi, nagwawalis ako kasi im cleaning. At suddenly, nakita ko tong letter na to.

It seems like a letter written by him...himself.

No...no way.

Its written back when i was in high-school.

Its written in a long yellow pad paper. With a yellow sealed envelope with his signature on the top.

It started off with my name.

My dearest sister, sharine.

How should i start? Hahahah. Well, you know me ayt? Iam unpredictable right? I always show up whenever im with your side, iam sorry for being so dramatic at times. Pero you know me..iam just cool, and punish nang punish na kuya. Iam sorry for doing those horrible things to you. Iam sorry. Iam sorry for all the things i've done. Sana mapatawad mo ako. And, the other thing, was that... iam sorry kasi ngayon ipapaalam ko na sayo na may taning na talaga ang buhay ko. Na ganito talaga ang buhay..kaya im doing my best to get you i don't care. Kasi, i want to be with you till my last breath. I want to be with you till whenever i wanted till i die.. pero it looks like we aren't going to stay like this forever...huh? Ang selfish ko man at times, pero sana mapatawad mo ako ah? Iam sorry. I really am. And oh, oo nga pala, i also have this...severe leukemia...hindi ko na lang pinaalam sayo kasi wala lang, baka mas lalo ka pang magaalala, lalo na't may anak na tayong dalawang sarili. Pero sana naman, alagaan mo sarili mo ah. If i die on somewhere day, i don't want to see you cry.. i will do my best to live again. I do promise na mabubuhay ako muli. Even if that is really impossible. I will still do the impossible. I will do it. For the both of us. I will do it. Thank you for the memories and all of the things that we did as brother and sister. Sana lagi mo akong tatandaan ah. Ayaw ko sa lahat yung nakikita kang nalulungkot. I don't want to ser you crying. Even though its just a small thing. Even when were kids, i looked after you. And those were my treasured memories. Thank you. And lastly, kung mamatay man talaga ako, babalik ako. Just wait and see. So don't forget me...okay? I love you. I will always and always forever love you. Whatever it was, i will do my best for us to live...forever and forever.