Cold Hearts in The Rain

Chapter 33

I dressed in all black and looked at myself in the mirror. We already had a wake. The whole time there, people looked at me while they passed, and I couldn't help but feel the blame.

It was my fault he died. All my fault. And I didn't have a chance to say goodbye or to thank him for what he did for me.

"Doe, you ready?" my grandma asked, solemnly. I nodded and my eyes stayed locked to the mirror.

"Doe?" she asked and touched my wrist. I flinched and then looked away, turning toward her.

"It's my fault he's dead," I mumbled.

"It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. He died for a good person."

"No," I said, trying not to cry. I worked hard on not crying. It was going to take a lot of effort. Especially when she cried.

"Come on, let's go," she said, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. She guided me out of my room and downstairs to the car.

My grandpa was sitting in the driver's seat. He gave me a sad smile as I approached. My grandma rubbed my back and then got into the passenger's side. I got in the back seat.

"Hey, honey," Caleb said, giving me a light kiss on my nose. "You ready to say goodbye to the sheriff?"

"Not really," I whispered, putting my hand up to his chest, feeling the stitches. He was there. His heart was beating. He didn't die.

He gave me a sad smile and then pulled me to him. My lips pressed against his, savoring the feel.

Ever since the hospital, I was the clingiest girlfriend in the world. I had to be around him constantly. If not, I was afraid he'd die while I wasn't around.

I would've died if he did.

***

~A few weeks before~

"Caleb," I sobbed as the paramedics lifted his body away from me. I reached for him but knew he was in good hands and better of with them than with me. They were the only people who could possibly save him.

"Grandma... he can't die... I love him," I said, though I doubt she understood that being that my words came out muddled together. She couldn't even say anything. She just held me as I continued to cry.

"Come on guys," my grandpa said, stoic expression on his face. "We'll follow them.

***

I sat there, head in my hands. The waiting room around me was silent even though there were others around us. Others who didn't even know that Caleb was dying.

It was cold. The moisture on my cheeks from my tears didn't help in warming me up. My leg was jittering and my body was tense with shivers.

He won't die. Please don't die...

Through my closed eyes, I searched for him. I searched for his floating orbs of color. But they didn't make their presence known. It was like I couldn't even remember what they looked like anymore. They were violently yanked away, all by a simple bullet.

I don't know how long we were there for. Occasionally, my grandparents would rub my back and say encouraging words. But I hardly listened. I didn't care.

I fell asleep several times. Every time I woke, I hoped for good news. But there never was any. At one point I had to go to the bathroom to cry because I was being too loud. A woman stepped out of the stall and after washing her hands gave me a hug that I graciously accepted.

When I went back to the waiting room I collapsed into the chair in between my grandma and grandpa and then closed my eyes.

I woke up to my grandma nudging me. A doctor was approaching us. My heart sped up in fear and I worried about the worst.