Non-Stop || Lin-Manuel Miranda

Chapter 44

"How're you doing mi amor?" Lin looked at me with his beautiful pained eyes, pain for me. In those eyes I saw the desperation and pleading he had to try and get me better. Just looking in those eyes made me want to get better, if not for the babies for him because he was my light and I couldn't see him looking so pained for me. It's weird how much you can get to know a person that from the lightness or the darkness in their eyes you can know exactly what they are thinking.

I sat down next to him at the pharmacy and smiled, "Better, lot better. And relived, very relieved."

"Yeah?"

I nodded my head and took his hand in mine, "I just..." I formed my thoughts trying to make sense of what I was about to say, "I didn't really know what PPD (Postpartum Depression) was, I kind of thought it just meant that you hated your babies or whatever. In all my research I didn't even think of PPD because from what I know it hasn't been an issue in my family, so I didn't care to look it up. So I had this stupid preconceived notion that it meant that you hated your kids... now obviously I don't think that anymore. I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you. Thank you for getting me to the doctor so she could explain it a little bit more, I owe you my life for that."

He smiled softly and kissed me on the top of the head, "I just want you to feel better. I want to take all of the pain away. I want you back baby."

I squeezed his hand, "I feel like I'm going to get there. It might take some time. And the drugs might take some time. It might even be a struggle but I'm ready to start this new journey."

"And I'm going to be there all along the way... I've talked with the director and I'm taking some time off..."

I shook my head, "No! You can't do that. Do you know how guilty that would make me feel?"

"I have to do something. You need help. Two newborns is no joke Len."

I nodded, "I'll think of something, I can't have you taking time off for me, okay? I really think that would be counterproductive. It would make me feel absolutely terrible."

He nodded his head, "Okay. I get what you're saying honey. What if we hire a nanny?"

"A nanny?"

"Yeah! Obviously this person wouldn't be an in home nanny but he or she could come over on weekdays and help out."

I thought about it for a moment, maybe I'd be able to finally get some sleep, "That's not a bad idea."

He grinned and whipped out his phone, "I'm on it!"

"You're incredible, you know that right?"

He winked, "I'll be right back."

"Sure." I let go of his hand and he walked outside.

I waited for a few moments before the pharmacist called my name. I walked up and smiled at the man standing before me, "Have you been on Celexa before?"

I shook my head, "No."

"It says here this is for postpartum?"

"Yes that's right."

He smiled and started typing on the computer, "Alright Mrs. Miranda. This is safe for breastfeeding, if you are doing that. You should start to see improvements immediately but the greatest improvements will come over a month of usage. After two months you don't feel like anything has changed contact your doctor and they will decide on the course of action, does everything make sense?"

I nodded my head, "Yep."

"Alright that'll be £23.89."

I swiped my card and finished the remaining steps. As I finished up Lin was waiting for me, "All good?"

I smiled, "I think so."

"Wonderful! Well I got off the phone with my manager and she's looking into nannies now."

"That was impressively fast."

"Only the best for you my dear." He smiled and grabbed my hand.

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"Hi little Cruz." I cooed as I picked up the whiny baby, "Mama loves you." I held him tightly to my chest. For the first time in what felt like since they were born he started to calm down under my touch. I sat down in the rocker and rocked him back and forth while talking to him quietly. He slowly fell asleep in my arms and my heart swelled with joy and love at the sight of the sleepy baby.

Lin walked in and grinned when he saw me in awe of the sleeping baby. I looked at and smiled brightly at him. I set Cruz down in his crib and followed Lin out into the living room.

"You okay?"

"Much better than okay." I laughed, "He actually relaxed in my arms. He didn't fuss, he didn't fight, he fell asleep in my arms. You have no idea how much I've been wanting this."

He picked me up and hugged me tightly, "That is so good to hear mi amor. So damn good to hear. God I love you."

"And I love you!"

"We aren't doing this again are we?" He laughed and put me back down on my feet.

"I suppose not." I poked his nose.

"You seem a lot better." He stated.

"I feel a lot better. I know it's only been about a week but I feel more relaxed and more hopeful than I've thought about this entire process."

He kissed me slowly, "All I want in life is for you to get better."

I laughed and kissed him back, "All in due time Lin-Manuel."

"The full name?"

"The entire damn thing." I winked at him, "It felt... appropriate."

He pulled me into a hug, "Did I get to tell you how fucking beautiful you are?"

"You've told me once or twice I think."

"Well just to be sure, you my dear are the most exquisite thing I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon."

I punched him lightly on the shoulder, "Shut up."

"Am I making you blush?" He laughed and pulled my face so that I was looking at him, "You are blushing!"

"Oh my god shut up." I giggled and hid my face in his chest.

"It's cute. So stinking cute."

"After all this time, you still manage to make me do that."

"I pride myself in that."

"Of course you do." I laughed and hugged him tighter.

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A/N

SOOOO sorry these last few chapters have been shorter, I'm right in the middle of FINALS week... where did the first part of this year go?? I've almost been writing this story for six months now!! Holy cow hahahaha

Anywayyyy, after finals I'm going to NYC to see some shows on Broadway with my fam! I've never been and I'm so psyched :) Fingers crossed the Ham lottery comes through for me when I'm there... unlikely I know but there's always hope!

Hope you all are doing great and thanks for keeping up with this story!!