Daddy Issues - Johnnyboy

2 - Nightmares

   I hadn't walked for more than five minutes but my heart was racing. I think it was only 11, but Ponyboy was already knocked out. I slammed my foot into the door as a gesture of greeting with him still slumped over on my back. I waited a bit before I heard footsteps pan their way over to the front door. Darry answered with Sodapop behind him, by the way I was carrying him they immediately jumped to conclusions, I could see it in their faces but when I nearly yelled when they tried to wake him, they understood that he was safe. Darry's eyes had been so concerned before he softened and let me in. 

   Sodapop ran up the stairs to get a few extra pillows for me, while I followed behind, used to the fact that I couldn't stay at home most nights. Once I lied Ponyboy down and took his shoes off, Soda came back in and threw the pillows on the bed. I thanked him before he left and I turned around, taking off my shirt whilst leaving my tank top on. I took off my shoes and jeans and sat on the bed. I turned off the headlight and instead, turned on the desk lamp and got out my favorite book, Gone with the Wind. Ponyboy shuffled closer to me when I lied down, and he put his arm around my waist and snuggled up to me, I wrapped my free arm around him and held him there against me while I read. 

"Perhaps--I want the old days back again and they'll never come back, and I am haunted by the memory of them and of the world falling about my ears."

   I had to say . . . being here with him in this position at this moment in time was really comforting, I couldn't think of a time or place where I'd rather be than here smiling at him while his dreams take him on melancholic adventures. I wasn't usually a good sleeper so I'm used to just staying up until my body finally allows me to shut down. I had gone 2 days without sleep, mostly because all that I could hear in those days were the constant loop of my folks yelling and throwing things to get their point across. I had lived right across from the Curtis' for years now and I'm surprised I couldn't hear them right at this moment.

   I had read a few chapters before Ponyboy had started stirring, his eyes screwed shut for a second and his breathing hitched. My brows furrowed and still kept him close, I silently called for Soda and Darry, careful not to wake him. Soda came first, tired as ever, I felt bad but I was worried. 

"What's -?" His sentence was caught off by a small quiet whimper coming from Pony. 

"It's ok, I'll be right back, he's just having a nightmare . . ." Soda cursed and ran to get Darry. They both came a few seconds after, I'm assuming that Darry was still awake because he didn't look like he was losing sleep at all, his reading glasses were perched on his nose still, and I knew then that we must have been doing the same thing to get through the night. 

"What's the ruckus?" He said, and Soda gave him a look and Darry's eyes trailed to Ponyboy.

"How has he been today? How long has he been -" 

"Don't do this to me," Ponyboy whispered, tears emitting from underneath his closed lids. I was about to wake him up but then he gripped my hand tightly, practically whined my name. He was crying heavily now, just a rush of tears keeping him from making any coherent sentences but then he just starts to full on scream, startling me so bad that my heart felt as if it were in my throat, leaving me frozen in front of him. But luckily Darry was quick, he raced to the bed and Ponyboy held onto me so tight that I thought that I was gonna have bruises later on.

"No! Please don't, I'm sorry!" His voice was raw, there was this edge in it that made me think he was awake but Darry tried shaking him, and Ponyboy looked almost dead, except for the constant noises coming from his lips. Before Darry could try and yell for him, he then shot up without warning, almost knocking himself out in the process because of his headboard. 

"My god, Pony, are you alright!?" Darry questioned, but he seemed so out of it, eyes glazed over and in an attempt to focus he was blinking profusely, he genuinely looked like he was somewhere else for a second, in some other world, but then he threw his hands up to his face and sobbed in them, I looked over at Soda with bewildered eyes and he looked just as confused.

"I'm so sorry," Pony whispered and Darry held him over me, and they shared a hug with each other. He noticed my shocked expression looking up from Darry's shoulder.

"Oh, Johnny," He sniffled, "I'm sorry, I hope I didn't wake you," I shook my head confidently, assuring him that he was no trouble. He looked to Soda and he sighed whilst opening his arms.

"What happened?" Soda breathed as he embraced his little brother, and Pony sighed.

"I uh-" He let go of Soda, and then leaned back into his position next to me, weighing on me gently for support, to which I was more than happy to give. 

"I saw Mom and Pops," His voice was small, as if he felt ashamed, "They . . . were gonna die in front of me." He recalled, and I squeezed his side for reassurance.

"Why were you saying sorry?" Darry asked quietly, 

"I . . . they kept telling me that it was my fault, over and over and over again." He sighed saying this, like it wasn't even new to him and I wanted to cry because of it. I had to look away from all three of them to make sure I didn't get emotional. 

"No, Pony . . . it's never on you. Death is cruel and inevitable but it will never be your fault." I whispered to him, and he looked up at me with wide eyes, softening as he held me closer.

"It wasn't any of our faults, you hear? It's gonna be okay . . . for all of us. I swear it." Darry said, rubbing his brother's backs. When he got up and stood in the doorway, we both smiled at him before he took his leave back to his room, and Soda stood up then too.

"You think you'll be okay alone?" Soda asked, staring deeply at Ponyboy, and I half expected him to say no, but he nodded diligently and replied softly.

"I'll be okay, I got Johnny." It made my heart fill with warmth hearing those words from him and I felt my cheeks and ears get immensely hotter so I was grateful for the lights being off.  He could barely see it anyway, his face was pressed into my shoulder and he twisted his legs with mine and threw his arm over me, I took it as an opportunity to get comfortable, so I put both arms around him.

   I trailed my hand up and down his sides to give him some sort of comfort, I knew he still needed it. I went to look at him and was met with large swirls of honey-brown eyes I knew oh so dearly, His mouth was parted and I couldn't help but just glance at his lips smiling and without instinct, I immediately went back up to his eyes, seeing them fill with curiosity. The way he looked at me made me feel like life was worth living like I could be anything or anyone and he'd still love me.

He left me speechless . . . I couldn't ever speak again knowing the love in his eyes were real.

"You're one hell of a greaser, Johnny." He whispered, and I laughed quietly while he closed his eyes. I held him there, occasionally running my fingers through his hair, perfectly content. I think then, is when I really, truly fell asleep feeling warmth in my heart.