Daddy Issues - Johnnyboy

23; we can forgive, but never forget.

I locked myself in the bathroom, I couldn't be out in the open like this, This is what happens when things get over whelming but hell. . . I didn't think I was capable of hurting the only one who I truly would risk my own life for. This has gotten out of hand, this isn't how its supposed to go. Get a hold of yourself, Johnny. I sighed deeply and sat on the floor in the corner of the room, my knees to my chest and I cowered away from the door, afraid that one of them might come in.

My thoughts were silent, a rarity coming from me. Nothing was on my mind and I was staring at the shelves that had multiple towels on them, they're were shaving creme and toothbrushes. I never understood why they kept all of that on the shelves instead of the sink. I guess their just unique, I don't know. I wanted to though, were they different from everyone else?

Here we go with the stupid over thinking, I needed to calm down, I needed to go out there and apologize and I needed to get my shit together. Thats it, Thats all. But its much more easier said than done isn't it? I mean, it doesn't really seem like a hard task, but I don't remember the exact thing that I was doing, so to sum things up, I basically don't know what I did, so should I actually apologize?

Of course you should! You hit the only person that has been there since day one! I guess that would change things. But I didn't do it on purpose, then I guess I should apologize. Why am I contemplating whether or not I should apologize?!

I stood up quickly, shuffling and wiping at my clothes, trying to look a little decent. But I couldn't help but think I looked like shit anyways, so this wouldn't help. I looked in the mirror and sighed, seeing the same old dirty, broken boy in front of me, just a little more lifeless as days go by. I felt an itch on my arm and I looked down at it and saw faint little scars that represneted the needles I so deperately needed in my life now. I turned and reached for the handle, and before I could unlock it, there was a tiny knock on the door, and if the house was more normal and noisy like it usually was, I wouldn't have been able to hear it.

"Johnny. . . I'm sorry, I know it wasn't on purpose. You were over whelmed, I realize that but please don't over think this. I'm. . . okay. I promise I am." I flew the door open as soon as those words left his lips. I couldn't bare to hear it.

"You're apologizing for something, I did?" I felt tears come to my eyes, god he was so damn selfless, never thinks about himself. As I took a good look at him, I saw the faint maroon mark on his face and I shuddered.

"I know you didn't mean it, and I didn't want to make you feel worse by crying so, yes. I am sorry." Ponyboy's eyes were glistening, fighting back his tears, I quickly pulled him in a tight embrace, feeling the need to have him in my arms. He needs someone now. He's been there for me, always, so it's my turn. I wanted to hold him while he cried, I wanted to comfort him when he was sad or over whelmed. I hated taht he kept everything to himself. He was allowed to be sad too.

"No. . . fuck that. You're allowed to cry, Pony." I remembered when he first told me that, I rememeber that night like it was yesterday.

"But-" I cut him off by a kiss to his lips, silencing the younger.

"No, you gotta let me do this. Just listen to me, hear me out, okay?" He nodded slow and sniffled. I took a deep breath and let it out.
"I am so sorry, for everything that I have ever said, ever done, or made you do, I know this doesn't mean anything but I had to say it. Because if I didn't, then it would eat me alive. I am in love with you, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing anybody could do or say to change that. So I am sorry, and if you ever apologize for something that someone else did, I'll skin you. You hear? And this over thinking about you making me over whelmed with the crying conspiracy, throw it out the window cause that's not the case at all, Though I hate to see you cry and not your usual self doesn't mean you can't be emotional, baby." His eyes trailed to the floor and I lifted my finger to his chin, forcing him to look up. But his eyes wouldn't meet my own,