Daddy Issues - Johnnyboy

10 - I Can't Help but Love You

I frantically picked up the shovel and started to pat the ground where I remembered my dad had been working on while putting in the flowers for mom, I was patting and patting, just hearing tiny thuds from the ground but as soon as I heard a hollow sound, I smiled and shoved the shovel in the ground without any hesitation, pulling the dirt up in a rush.

My wrist hurt so badly by the time I was halfway done, I had to roll up my sleeves because I was digging while the sun had cast overhead of me, I looked up to see some people in the Curtis' looking around the house. I crouched down near the bush when I has seen Dally leave, he had an icy glare on his face, Steve and Two just looked normal, surprisingly. Had he told them? Right after he promised? 

Oh god . . . the thought of them knowing made my stomach churn, and made me dig even faster.

The dirt was all over my face and hands, but it was especially smothered into my bandages, making me occasionally hiss at the sting of dirt peeking in on them. I dug until I had heard a clank of metal, my eyes widened and I got down to my knees into the big hole, running my hand through it digging furiously until finally pulling out a big metal box that was so heavy that I almost couldn't pull it out, I tugged for a good second and had a firm grip on it, hissing because of the stretch of fresh cuts. Without warning, I fell back as it let go of its roots.

I pulled out my switchblade from my back pocket and cut the plastic around it. It almost gave the resemblance of a suitcase, but metal. When I opened it, I thought I could just start bawling right there. Countless amounts of stacks, tied off with actual government seal. A gun was sitting on top of the money, alongside it a box full of bullets. I sighed and cast my eyes up to the golden sky, thanking my dad silently. I stood up, closed the box and threw it into the garage inconspicuously, went over by the hole, and started to fill it with dirt again. After maybe an hour, the hole looked like any other patch of grass on the lawn, or at least at first glance.

I sat on the tire in the garage and lit a cigarette with a match. I kept some papers that were beside the money in the box and pulled them out, carefully unfolding them. There was a document that caught my eye, it stated that I was the only name on the lease for the house, and by law, It's mine to keep. Also beside the document, was a hand-written letter. I felt so confused, so this was my house? All this time? Or only in his time of death was this possible? I focused on the bold ink letter now,

Johnny,

If you have found this it means either, I'm gone, or that good for nothing woman made me kick you out so, this is what I'm going to give you, don't get too wise with it. That's 10 thousand dollars in cash, John, In our days, you have any idea what that can get you? Right now, our rent is only 15 dollars, so please use it for good, okay? Get yourself a nice house, a car, a job. Live your life to the fullest. That's your mission now, captain, do be careful though, I love you always.

Yours truly, dad.

I felt like I could cry; I could just start weeping right here and now, but I choked it so far down, I had to heave a shaky sigh. I needed to shower, to get my shit together. I grabbed the suitcase and walked back out into the day light back to the house, Ponyboy was just sitting on the porch, looking down at his shoes, smoking.

"Hey Pone," He jumped at the sound of my voice. When he looked up at me, his eyes were so wide, it made me feel like I didn't deserve to be so idolized by him.

"Where've you been, Johnnycakes? Everyone's been lookin' for you." He laughed, his eyes twinkled when he smiled at me, something only I feel I would notice. I grinned softly and shrugged in response.

"Just out having way too much fun," I said, He just laughed while patting my back, leading me inside. My sleeves were rolled all the way up but there was so much dirt on my arms that you couldn't actually see anything, it was honestly painful, every move caused me discomfort. So I just pulled them down without Pony noticing. 

"I'm just gonna go wash up and then head out to Buck's, wanna come?" It was the first time I had actually asked him to go with me anywhere in a while, but usually, we're at each other's hips and I missed the feeling of having him by my side.

"Bucks? The bar where Dally sleeps at?" He looked at me with disbelief. "You trying to get caught?"

"Pshh, Dally was worse at our age, now are you coming?" I untied my laces on the couch, and he sighed. 

"I got an exam in the morning so let's not stay too late, alright? I'm gonna be pissed if I get a bad grade when I've studied this much." I nodded at him, flashing a small smile. He gave a wider smile back in response. He went up to his room and let me have some privacy.

I headed into the bathroom, seeing small little droplets of blood that were still on the window and I hurried to clean it. I stripped from my clothing and turned on the water. I heard some voices from below me but I ignored them and stepped into the shower, I saw the gun on the sink and sighed. Would I really use that? Could I really use that? I never think I'll ever need to but, its there when the time comes.