Daddy Issues - Johnnyboy

19; im falling apart

I've never felt more at bliss before in my whole life. As I sat, I wondered whether or not if anything was actually real in that moment. My head was filled with thoughts, I couldn't really focus on one thing, all I could feel was the vibrations going throughout my whole body. It felt like everything was on fire, I could feel, see, and hear everything but it was almost like it was muffled or was blurry but I could hear it and see it. It was a good feeling, a feeling that I was familiar with. The feeling that I could rely on whenever I was unhappy or angry or emotional in general. I relied on this, and nothing could talk me out of it. I will do this and nobody will stop me because it's my choice, it's my body and if I decide to destroy it then I will.

No one really thinks about what makes them happy, if you're asked by someone then you tell, and it's usually something Corny like ice cream or daisies or flowers or the sunset but for some, they're happy places aren't as happy as they seem. They all have their own picture in their head about how things are supposed to be, some could be bad and some could be good and in my situation it's bad, it's really bad but who gives a fuck anymore. Obviously not me because I'm destroying every inch, every ounce of my being just to feel alive again. If I had discovered what this felt like before, I wouldn't be here. Ponyboy would have never met me, the gang would be better off without me in it anyway. Who cares anymore, I don't even think I know what real life is but if this is just a dream then I don't want to know reality. Then I don't know... I don't know if I could move on because if this if this is just a warm-up then I think I'll be fine just living in this dream. I'm not ready to face reality yet and I don't think I'm planning on it either.

The plane had landed, I had just realised this when everyone started to get up. Me and Ponyboy stumbled as we tried to stand up without falling on our asses, it was a little difficult seemingly because we were in the class at the moment but succeeded surprisingly. We were also surprised that we were able to smuggle the drugs into our luggage, they don't have technology like that so they just check us and since we had a cop with us, they had no worries so they let us by. I was relieved because if I was going to get checked then I would have gone to prison and I don't plan on going to jail just yet. I didn't want to just spend my life in a boxed room with maybe 50 or more people just for some dope that I carried around. That would suck.

"Got a cancer stick, baby?" I asked and he blushed at the pet name. He pulled out his pack and handed me one, and lighting it for me as well. I could barely focus on what I was doing, my head was so foggy and I'm pretty sure that my speech was slurred but neither of us commented on it because it didn't really matter at the time.

When we were walking off with the cop, he kept glancing back at us with a worried expression. I was about to tell him off before my head got real dizzy. But I just shook it off, thinking that it would go away and it did, quicker than it came too. I was kinda shook up a little by it, but I pulled through.

I had no idea what was going on, but a brown car pulled up in front of us and we put the bags in the trunk, the both of us went into the back and cuddled up to eachother while the cop sat in the front and right thenb is where things started to get weird.

My head was foggy, but it was almost like living in a dream. I saw millions of colors flash by and whirl around me, it was so pretty. It was like I was in wonderland, I was in some other- sone other fuckin' universe, eveything that I saw was big or small or just wobbling all together, then I passed out. The last thing I saw was Ponyboy's small smile.

_______________

When I woke, Someone was shaking me really violently. My eyes peeled open slightly, and I recognized my surroundings. But the one thing that I was confused by, is the fact that I was still high and now that I'm basucally sleep deprived, I was hallucinating as well.

"How long was I sleep?" I slurred slightly, rubbing my face. Ponyboy groaned beside me. That's when I realized that the car had stopped, I looked up and saw that we were back at the curtis', the house was like a trigger and I felt my heart begin to hammer against my chest. I couldn't go in there! Not after what I pulled last time!

"Only 30 minutes. I'm gonna go knock on the door over there. Would you guys like to come along?" That explains why I'm still dazed. The cop was hesitant and his voice was soft, almost like if he raised his voice in the slightest, I'd start bawlin'. I shook my head furiously and he nodded. I then shook Pony awake and he snapped up quickly, groaning.

"Ponyboy..." I trailed and he took a look outside and then gulped. "We're back." I finished. He looked as if he wanted to cry but, he swallowed it down.

We watched the cop open the gate and walk with his hands on his belt going to the door. He knocked twice, he waited a bit but then before I could see who answered the door, I felt Ponyboy grab my face and kiss my lips. My vision was foggy but I still had control over what I was doing. I kissed back, and put as much passion as I could. He pulled away and smiled, leaning his forehead against mine.

"I'm yours," I whispered and he nodded and let go. I looked up to that the cop was talking to someone, I couldn't tell who though. I leaned forward a bit and saw some dark hair. It could be either Dally or Steve. But then the cop moved a bit and I saw Steve standing there with a shocked expression, he ran back into the house and called out to someone and hurriedly, 5 other boys were at the door with tears in there eyes. The cops pointed to the car and thats when I locked eye contact with Soda, god did he look a mess, his hair was all over the place and his clothes were all wrinkled, but his face was clean and it looked to be freshly shaved.

I looked at Ponyboy but he wasn't looking at anyone, He was just sitting back with his arm over his eyes, high as hell.

Could this get even worse?

____
I wrote this on my phone and its so bad, I'm so sorry.