My eyes shot open with a start and I breathed heavy. That dream was so vivid, so colorful, so beautful, I wanted to growl in frustration for waking but I didn't, instead I stared at the dark room, I trailed my free hand and felt around. This was a bed, Ponyboy's bed. Me and him were both covered in a thick comforter, snuggled close. He bad his head in the crook of my neck and his arm around my waist, his leg curled around my body, making me very warm. I sighed as I lifted my hand, sliding my fingers through his dark black locks, he stirred a little in his slumber and groaned softly, I turned and looked at the clock. It read 7:39 pm, so it wasn't that late. I heard some talking and clanking of dishes downstairs and sighed again. We'd have to get up soon.
"C'mon, baby. We gotta get up." I whispered in his ear and he shuffled around a bit but pulled me closer, kissing my cheek. I blushed crimson and giggled quietly. He then kissed all over my face, my temple, again with my cheek, my jaw and then the corner of my lips. I smiled and kissed him softly, he kissed back sleepily, still a little groggy from our rave. He woke up a little more and kissed harder, sloppily moving our lips. He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine, his eyes were closed and he looked at bliss.
I then took the cover off of us, and sat up. He whined and pulled at my arm, I chuckled and shoved him up beside me. I planted my bare feet on the cold floor, and was confused. When had we changed? I looked at what I was wearing and furrowed my brows, I had a baggy white t-shirt on with my boxers, Ponyboy was dressed the same except his shirt was even more baggy and dark blue. He had silk boxers on as well. He stood up quickly, too quickly it seemed because he staggered back down, holding a hand to his head. My eyes narrowed,
"You alright?" I asked, and he nodded, avoiding eye contact. I didn't question further, because I didn't want him to become uncomfortable or worse, over-whelmed by me. I stood up then and he did as well, a little slower this time. Eveything felt like a movie or something, it was so unrealistic. I trailed my hand down to my arm and started to scratch at my scars, I really didn't feel like any of this was real. Ponyboy went over by the dresser and pulled out two pairs of sweats, one dark grey and the other maroon, with the his school logo on it, he shuffled those on while I had the grey ones. After we changed, almost mechanically at that, he opened his bedroom door and we headed out. Our steps were silent, no creaking of the hard wood below us, yet it used to creak, maybe we were just light weight now.
Ponyboy took a step downstairs, terrified. I could see it in his features that he was scared. I stopped him, and gave him a quick kiss, reassuring him but then we heard a voice. It was Two-bit's, I wanted to smile, I really did. I hadn't heard his voice in so long.
"Do you think I should check on them? They've been asleep since they got here, which was yesterday at noon, its almost 8, Darry."
"If you want, but don't be surprised if they don't actually wake up, I went in there to see if they wanted breakfast but I couldn't get neither one of 'em to open their eyes. . . it was like they was in a coma or something." He chuckled and I looked to Ponyboy, asking him silently if we should continue down the stairs.
"Wait what, what do you mean?" Dally's voice was loud and booming, intimidating beyond belief.
"They're probably exhausted, god knows what they were doing. . . " Darry said and I closed my eyes and sighed, thankful for his reassurance. My eyes shot back open when Pony grabbed my hand to steady himself, he was really blacking out. He shook his head though and ignored it, we took steps down the stairs and luckily, things had been rearranged so everyone was on the floor or the couch when we came down, completely oblivious. It was then when Ponyboy accidentally knocked his knee into the table that they all looked up, alarmed.
No one said anything, the tension was thick. Not even two tried to lighten up, he had no idea what to say, no words for this moment. But Darry interrupted the heated silence,
"Would you two like to eat something?" He said, and Pony and I nodded. He smiled and got up, the gang then piled up as well, Dally and Two sat at the table, and Steve leaned against the wall. Soda went to help Darry. We sat down slowly, releasing each other's hands. The cold hit me like none other, I lifted my knees and curled my arms around them, resting my head against them, closing my eyes. I really didn't want to talk, I felt absolutely exhausted. Pony's arms were on around his waist, holding himself together, he leaned his head back on the chair and closed his eyes as well.
"Are we. . . gonna ever talk about this?" Steve muttered and I sighed internally, I knew this was coming, just didn't expect Steve to bring it up, if anyone, I thought two or Darry would. Darry came out with two bowls of soup and two slices of french bread to dip it in. Ponyboy and I sat up and started to eat,
"Whats there to talk about, we're home ain't we?" Ponyboy said, without looking up. I chewed slowly on a piece the of bread, ignoring thw whole conversation. Not making any eye contact.
"That's good yes, but we're gonna have to do something-" I stopped listening. I zoned out, I wasn't even eating anymore, I didn't want to.
What would it be like if I had a real family. . . ? Would they be like the gang or more, parent like? Would they love me as much as I love the thought of having parents? What if I was a soc? No-- I'd never, just the thought gives me shivers, I could never hate someone as much as they hate greasers.
Why am I so tired?
There's 48 cracks in the floorboards underneath me, they need to fix that.The sun is really bothering me right now, why do they do that to the curtains. Speaking of the curtains, there wrinkled.
Five really loud cars just passed the window, not one mustang though.
My arm is throbbing, why? My head is pounding under my left brow.
My hair feels really greasy."Johnny. . . Johnny! Johnny?!" I screeeched then and fell back off the chair, a loud ringing noise in my head, My vision was tunnel like, and I felt like I was gonna throw up.
"What?!" I yelled out, trying to stand back up. They looked surprised.
"Where the hell were you in this conversation?" Darry asked and I shrugged, sitting on the chair.
"Well, I just asked Ponyboy and you if you two were feeling okay? You both look -" I heard a growl beside me and it cut Darry off guard.
"Enough with this bullshit! Where were you? How the hell did you get there? And why are you two looking like you both have fucking diseases! What the hell did you do to him, Johnny!?" Dally yelled, I didn't flinch. Just sat numbly. Staring out the window again.
"Answer the damn question." Dally growled. And I spit at him,
"Go fuck yourself." I told him and then I was on the floor, wrestling him. He pinned me to the ground and I yelled out and struggled against his hold, I saw Ponyboy and the others trying to pull him off of me. He let me go and got off, I scrambled up and Ponyboy held me up.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Ponyboy yelled. He rarely ever does, I could tell he was about to blow.
"Can't you see that the both of us are just fucking exhausted? Why can't you just leave it the hell alone?! And what we did, doesn't fucking concern you! And if you ever, lay a hand on him or me, that will be the last day you can use your fucking legs!" He screamed, his chest moved up and down in a raged demeanor, I was absolutely stunned. The gang was too but Dally actually looked sorry, for once."Now just wait a second, Pony-" Soda started
"No! I'm tired and don't want to talk about it, now please, for the love of god leave us the hell alone, we don't need your damn pity!" Soda started to tear up and Darry cursed under his breath.
"Ponyboy!" Soda called out and Pony whipped back around, frustrated. "I wasn't trying to give you pity!I just wanted to ask what was so wrong about what Dally had said? He just asked what we all were thinking. . ."
"Just please. . . " He swallowed. "Not now."
"But Ponyboy-"
"For fuck's sake!" He yelled and started up the stairs, Me following behind.
Baby came home, and all they do is make it worse.
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Question; how would any of you feel if I changed the title to 'Daddy Issues' or, do yall like the stay alive thing, cause I dont mind either one.
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Daddy Issues - Johnnyboy
Fanfiction(Under Major Editing) this story contains descriptive self-mutilation, character death, alcohol abuse, drug/substance abuse, and bits of violence. (ANYONE WHO IS UNDER 16 AND IS CURRENTLY SUICIDAL, DEALING WITH OR EXPERIENCING THOUGHTS OF SELF-HARM...