Daddy Issues - Johnnyboy

11 - What Have You Done?

**TW

When I got out of the shower, it was already almost noon. So I hurried into some simple baggy black jeans with a really big drug rug sweater. I slipped on some fingerless gloves and ruffled my hair after adding some curling cream. I pulled up some socks and shuffled into my black boots. I faced the mirror and scrunched my face a little, examining it. I looked a bit older, my face seemed more hollowed near my cheeks, and I was a lot paler than usual but that was about it. I opened the door, face to face with Sodapop, and he smiled at me before stepping into the steamy room, already planning to shower as well.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a new pack of cigarettes from the carton, lighting one up after unwrapping them. I breathed in the toxins and released them into the air. Ponyboy came up to me then and smiled again. What is with all the smiling this morning? Wasn't necessarily a bad thing, just suspicious for me. I handed him the cigarette and he took a drag, handing it back afterwards.

"You ready to go?" I asked him, he nodded and we started to head out. We walked side by side, without actually talking to each other, just soaking up each other's presence. It was peaceful with him, always. It was only a 10-minute walk, from here and the bar, and I had brought fifty bucks with me, I planned to get wasted, I didn't know about Ponyboy but I just wanted to feel numb.

"Hey, did you tell anyone where we're were goin'?" I asked and he shook his head. Good. That meant we could have fun in peace.

When we got to the place, I was kinda scared that Dally would be here, but I let it pass and we walked in. Some people eyed us weirdly and asked for some ID, I had gotten Ponyboy one when he was 14 some years ago so he was covered, and I was as well. It just started out with plain beer and then it turned to some rum and coke, then to whiskey, then straight to Vodka. We were having a blast, mixing these drinks was definitely a bad idea but I didn't mind, Ponyboy was somewhat tipsy on his fifth shot, and I soon learned that he was a flirty drunk.

Time went by and we were having the time of our lives, Ponyboy seemed uncooperative with everyone but me. We left the tables to go sit next to some guys, they all looked weird and suspicious but it didn't stop us from saying hello, only because we were being fucking stupid and was intoxicated, because I wouldn't have sat next to them if I were sober. And that's where things got to be too much for the both of us.

Ponyboy had climbed on top of me and was sitting in my lap at this point, playing with my hair when the guys asked us a few things, I could barely hear them, so they offered for us to go upstairs, Ponyboy and I agreed, not really knowing what we had just got ourselves into. We sat in one of the rooms, on the bed. The men came over and sat by us and offered to us to hold something for him, it was a baggy, filled with white pills.

One of the guys had brought out a small tube and sprinkled some on the back of his hand, and then violently sniffed, letting out a few grunts. The other man however was doing something different, he had some type of brown substance and heated it up before placing it on a spoon. I saw a needle right beside him and my breath hitched. He must've noticed my staring cause he stopped and laughed,

"You got money, boy?" He asked me, his voice was groggy and not all there but I nodded. His eyebrow quirked up, and he smiled wide.

"If you want some of this, its gonna cost you buddy-" I stopped him by pulling out a couple of hundreds. His eyes widened and he snatched it from me. Ponyboy was clutching my hand, and the other on my chest, it honestly made him look like a scared woman clutching her man, and that thought had made me blush. The men's eyes widened at the bills and they all surrounded me and Pony, pulling out various things and throwing them to us. The man who held the spoon held out a large portion of the black stuff.

"This here, will numb you for life, I promise you." He flashed me a smile, showing off his yellow stained teeth, his breath reeked of nicotine and alcohol.

"What even is it?" Ponyboy slurred, taking the needles in his hand and twirling it around. They handed us a pouch to hold it in. They looked grateful for the money, and I almost smiled back at them for it.

"Its H, man, You know . . . the dream world." He nudged me and Pony playfully and I smiled along with him, the alcohol making me do so. The sound of his laugh made my heart hurt a little less. As they kept shoving needles and straws and big bags of what I can guess was drugs, they let us out. Pony carried the bag with pride, I could see it in his face.

"What time is it?" I slurred, walking out of the bar.

"I-I don't know," He hiccuped. It was sunset, lighting up the sky in colours, gold, silver, and pink too. I smiled at its beauty, wishing I could be a part of it. Ponyboy took my hand and we headed to the lot. My stomach was basically on fire by the time we got there, it was filled with anticipation.

We sat down on the old car seats and pulled out the spoon and needles, I took out the baggy with the brown stuff and set it down, I took a breath and smiled at Ponyboy, who seemingly was getting out a lighter.

*

It seemed as if Pony knew exactly what he was doing, but it was the opposite, I didn't know how these things worked but, I just. . . I opened the bag and poured a little onto the spoon, enough for the both of us. I think I remember one of the men telling us to lay on our side afterwards. I looked up at Ponyboy, surprised to see him so focused on the spoon in my hand,

He got a lighter out of his pocket and flicked it on, holding it under the spoon, making it liquify and bubble, once it seemed like it was all the way done, I stuck a cotton ball at the end of the needle, making sure it was just liquid and not condensed shit, I seemed pretty damn sober but I really wasn't, I couldn't really think straight but I pulled myself together to plunge the needle.

"Take your belt off," I told him, he looked at me weirdly and then slowly removed it. He handed it to me and I scooted closer to him,

"Give me your arm," I said, he put his arm out and I wrapped the belt around his arm, tightening it. He hissed when I put the needle in but I didn't push the substance in just yet. I looked at him with wide eyes, are we seriously gonna fucking do this? Why are we suddenly deciding to do drugs? Ponyboy's only seventeen, but then he nodded and urged me to go on.

'This here boy, will numb you for life.' That was my goal, wasn't it? To become completely numb, right?

"Just do it already," He said, and I cleared my throat and sat up straighter. I pushed the liquid into his arm slowly, then released the belt. His eyes immediately closed, and he was getting ready to fall back, but I caught him, setting him onto his side. Then I did it next, I refilled another needle with it, and wrapped the belt around my arms. Ponyboy looked completely wasted, drained, and high altogether.

When I finally did the same, I made sure I was on my side when I released the belt. I could feel everything wash away like it never mattered to begin with. I felt a huge buzz at the top of my head, and I felt like I was floating. Everything was just clouding up right before my eyes, making me go hazy. It was like a good dizzy feeling, everything was flipped upside down and the weight on my chest ceased and I smiled, that's all I ever wanted.