Daddy Issues - Johnnyboy

8 - Break down

"I guess that does count, Ponyboy. . ." I trailed. He lifted his hand and started stroking my hair away from my face. My stomach felt way too full, but I felt so warm because of it. I wasn't really familiar with this feeling but I think liked it a little more than I should have.

"Hey, is this your first time getting drunk?" I asked, my speech was still a little slurred but I had managed to control it.

"No, one time, I got really hammered and woke up at Two-bit's house, and in the morning, Darry had me by my damn neck," He laughed, and I did too, but it came out as little squeaks of noise.

We lay there for a while and I appreciate his warmth, the feeling of comfort overwhelmed me a little, I haven't had this contact with anyone in so long, the last person I hugged was my father, who was just on his way to work. My face scrunched up as a wave of pain hit the middle of my chest. I started to breathe heavier and Pony held me close. He moved around a little and leaned to lay down beside me so we were both laying down.

"I'm so emotional when I'm like this," I shakily told him and he kissed the top of my head. That was considered friendly, wasn't it?

"It's okay, you can cry, you're allowed to cry, Johnny." He whispered to me and I bit my lip hard, no one had ever told me that, so when I felt like he meant it I couldn't help but let it out now. I buried my face into his neck and sobbed harshly. He pulled me even closer to him and squeezes me for reassurance, it looked as if the both of us were stuck like glue against each other.

"It's alright, Johnny, it's okay, you'll be okay, I promise." He kept whispering to me while I cried so hard that my head started to hurt, I was whining and blubbering, and just sobbing so hard that the other boys ended up coming in to see what's wrong but I didn't even attempt to stop when I saw them, just cried harder if that were possible at this point.

I felt like I was being stabbed in the chest a thousand times and everything was just so real and so emotional and it was like waves upon waves of despair, I screamed into Pony's shoulder, muffling it so I didn't scare them, but I could tell Darry had no idea what to do, other than give me sympathy stares. Sodapop made a noise in his throat whenever I had whined, and he looked like he was struggling with something.

Soda then ran to the bed and sat on the edge, he looked at Pony and me. Rubbing my back slowly whenever I made hiccupping noises, that's when Soda lied close to me, tucked his arm around my waist and put his nose on the back of my neck and closed his eyes and let me cry too. Darry looked like he wanted to join, but I knew he'd never- scratch that, he leaned by Ponyboy and threw his arm around Soda, and if you looked at it from my point of view, it felt like everyone was just there, holding me, silently telling me it's okay and giving me comfort, but I swear we stayed in that position for so long before my breathing had regulated.

I wasn't done crying, but I was done sobbing like a toddler, now it was just stray tears falling onto Ponyboy's shirt, which I felt incredibly bad about, but none of them seemed to care, or notice honestly. So we just lied there, all cuddled up, supporting me, and right then, I felt like I had a real family, I felt loved, and cared for. And right before I felt my eyes get heavy, I whispered,

"I love you guys. . ." I very faintly heard everyone's responses before drifting into a painless sleep.

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I woke up really warm, it was an oddly comforting feeling. I never had woken up like this, but it felt nice, I felt like we were all embraced. I turned a bit, careful of how I moved, avoiding waking everyone. I saw Sodapop with his tangled arms around me, one of my legs were hooked with Soda's and my other around Pony's, Darry had his arm around Pony and was practically laying on top of him, but not quite. I smiled and giggled a little, and I guess the noise woke Soda cause he groaned quietly.

I really, truly did not even want to wake up, because I really liked all of this warmth, I snuggled my head in Ponyboy's neck again, and tried to fall asleep once more, but then, not even five seconds later, I heard a click of a camera.

"Steve?" I asked, lifting my head up a bit, then Darry's eyes flew open because I had moved Ponyboy a bit, causing the whole bed to shake as Darry sat up and yawned, so that's when Soda fully woke up, but he groaned and said 'no' in a whiny way and tightened his grip around me.

"Soda, you're gonna crush the poor boy," Darry laughed and Soda huffed and let go, I felt a wave of coldness then, and I silently wished he would return back, but he sat up and tackled steve for waking him. But then Ponyboy shifted around and put his around where Soda's were, and I smiled softly, because now the warmth was back, and the feeling of being loved came back.

"Did you guys fall asleep like that?" Steve laughed and my breath caught. Would they tell that I cried my heart out last night and that I needed some comfort? That would crash my rep completely, but a big part of me. . . didn't really care.

"I was cryin', and being a big 'ol baby, and they came to help me out," I told them, with my eyes still closed, fully taking in Ponyboy's presence, since he was still fast asleep,

"Oh, why were you crying, Johnnycakes?" Steve was cautious, I could hear it in his voice.

"Oh it's ok I'm okay, my dad died and I . . . I just really needed to let it out is all." I told him, Ponyboy absentmindedly started running his fingers through my hair and humming in his sleep. But I could tell he was on the brink of waking up.

"Hey Johnny," Pony croaked and I giggled, he smiled at me and saw who was in the room.

"Hey Stevey, what's up."

"Hey sleeping beauty, I just decided to stop by, and I just caught you guys like this, and it was honestly too fucking cute not to capture the moment." He chuckled, and handed the polaroid picture to Darry, Darry smiled big and handed it to Soda, he chuckled and passed it to me. I looked at the picture and I laughed really loud, making Ponyboy smile and look at the picture as well.

"We just look like a really disfigured pretzel," I laughed and Ponyboy cracked up. It was mornings like this where I love being with the Curtis'

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I'm trying so hard to keep things going but every fucking day I just want it to end, seeing all of the comments and votes, you guys really do make me genuinely happy so I appreciate you for being with me, even though the story is kind of all over the place.