{ #3 } Twisted Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 23 - Lea

Twisted Moon - Book 3 of the Black Moon series - Chapter 23: Lea

(Noah's POV - Wed. 18 March 2015)

Resist... Resist... You can do this... Take deep breaths...

Pain.

Resist... You don't have to do that...

I need it.

Resist... Resist... Resist... If you do, it's gonna make him even angrier! And you can say goodbye to all your hopes to seduce him!

Rejection hurts.

Resist... Don't let yourself fall into this shit... Get out of the spiral!

Relief is tempting.

Resist... Resist... Resist... Stop thinking about blades... cutting blades... the sting caused by the cutting blades...

Yet they feel good.

Resist... Resist... Think about all he has done for you... You can't disappoint him any further...

I'm afraid it's too late.

Resist... Resist... Ignore the urge for the pain... It's not gonna lead you anywhere... Just more marks on your already disgusting body...

Why would I care? He doesn't want my body anyway.

Resist... Resist... Resist... Resist... You know that he was right to be angry at you... Don't take his anger any further...

Such a disappointment I am.

Resist... Resist... You're stronger than that, Noah... You've managed before...

I'm not sure I can do it again.

Resist... You can do this... Deep breaths again...

It's so hard.

Resist... That's it... Ignore it... tomorrow will be a better day...

I only wish so.

Then just resist...

Curled up on my bed and sniffing my fluffy ice bear, I eventually manage to calm down. I can't believe I messed up again! All I wanted was to surprise Camden with a nice dinner. Well not only, to be honest... One reason I didn't follow his instructions is that I just couldn't stand the idea of not seeing him at all today and until tomorrow night. Another is that I also wanted to show him how I can be an adult and cook him his dinner for when he gets back home. I thought that he would appreciate it; that it would help make him fall for me.

I think he did appreciate and despite his cold expression, each time I dared glancing up at him, I was able to see that he liked the food, even if it was only some basic carbonara; but I could also tell that he was disappointed and that really pained me. However much I try to be on my best behavior in order to charm him, I always end up messing up; it just makes me feel like I take two steps back in the process when I only took one forward. How will I ever make him fall for me if I only get to disappoint him?

"Go away!" I groan as a knock echoes on the door of my bedroom. I don't want to hear him yell at me some more because I talked back; especially not when he hasn't had enough time to calm down. I have gotten to know Camden and his angry moods a little better now; it's not only about how his body reacts with tension in his muscles or sternness on his face, but also about how long he needs before the pressure loosens. It's only been fifteen minutes since I scurried to my room and it took him much longer than that last Friday after I kissed him for instance. Too bad my door doesn't have a lock because it suddenly opens and I barely have time to hide the soft toy under my pillow before Camden reaches my bed.