{ #3 } Twisted Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 79 - One Step Forward

I Twisted Moon - Book 3 of the Black Moon series - Chapter 79: One Step Forward

(Camden's POV - Mon. 3 August 2015)

I'm getting nuts. This boy is driving me completely crazy and I'm about to lose it. If I don't find a solution very quickly, I might just flip the fuck out and I certainly don't want that. I have tried to be patient. I really have, but unfortunately, I am not the kind of man with unlimited patience and I don't know how long I will be able to contain myself. I wouldn't go berserk on Noah, obviously, but I am scared to transfer my urges to another source of relief and I don't want to fall into other forms of addiction.

Aside from patient, I have been really gentle with Noah, trying to keep calm every time he would piss me off. I have proved to be understanding, which is only natural after what he went through, but I can't let him go on like this. He needs to grab himself together and I am definitely willing to help him, however I can't provide any help if he doesn't let me in, and continues to avoid me or refuses to speak.

Every day, I take the time to sit down with him and say the same words all over again. Noah, whenever you feel ready, just talk to me and I will help you. And every day, he just ignores me, averts his eyes or isolates himself in our bedroom. In any other situation, I would have simply commanded him to speak and I would have punished him for not communicating, but like the doctor said, that era might as well be over or at least, it might not resume before a long time.

So without being able to discipline him, I just don't how to handle Noah anymore and indeed, it is driving me crazy. I hate this distance between us. He used to always cuddle against me at night but now, he stays on his side of the bed facing away from me, except when I wake him up from his nightmares but these are the only moments he gets clingy. That no longer happens when we are on the couch, when I get back home from work or just at any moment of the day or night, and I am truly missing this physical contact.

I can deal with the lack of contact though, because the most important to me is that he is now safe and well protected. Tony has some of his men watching the house just in case. I don't really like the idea in the sense that the poor guy who is in faction must be bored and doesn't want to at least spend time in the house like I offered, but Tony says that it's just their job. Well, fine with me and it has allowed me to feel reassured enough to go back to work with slightly longer days. Even if I never get back home after four in the afternoon, it gives Noah some time to be on his own since that's what he wants for now, and it allows me a much-needed breather. I would have probably gone haywire if I had had to stay locked at home with a brooding Noah 24/7.

What I can't deal with is this vegetative state he is in. His lack of reaction to me is one thing, but I just hate seeing him sink into the turmoil of his thoughts and this is what I need to solve rather sooner than later. I thought that having Liam visit him would help. Josh had been bugging me about it because Liam wanted to come over and see Noah first at hospital and then at home, but I didn't think it was a great idea for Liam. I was afraid he might be shocked to see Noah like this. They still insisted and as expected, it didn't go really well.

Liam is convinced that Noah wasn't sleeping and he did speak to him, but the little creep just didn't react at all and it kind of hurt Liam. He didn't blame Noah, because as he said, he understands the situation, but at the end of the day, he just sincerely wants to help him, which is very charitable when you know that Liam already has a hard time with his own guilt toward Jeremy. So, Noah's rejection didn't help, but Joshua and I tried to comfort him, saying that he just needed a bit more time.

Then there was Aaron's surprise visit. Damn! I could have killed him right on the spot when I understood his intentions on telling Noah about his own past, which is a bit part of my past too. I know Aaron has mostly gotten over those events – much better than I did in comparison. Other than the fact that I doubted it was a good thing to tell Noah, I was scared it would affect my old friend to go back into these memories. However, at that point, it turns out I was ready to try just anything and I let him deal with it. For sure I wasn't going to relive that nightmare again. When I came back home after a two-hour walk with Jess, I found Noah asleep in Aaron's arms!