Ecstatic Exuberance // JinMin

Chapter Twelve

Seokjin closed the door behind him to think about the other two boys, knowing thay they were Jimin's best friends and they were really close with each other he shouldn't be jealous, but he still felt the stings in his stomach when he saw them being so close with each other, the other problem Seokjin had to confront was Jimin pushing him away a little, he was distant. He loved Jimin and he wanted to know a lot about him, even though Jimin said he was an open book he still wanted to find the hidden text with the small letters. He wanted to help Jimin with his problems. Seokjin pulled off his sweatpants to put on the jeans he wore yesterday, pair of distressed black jeans, Seokjin looked into the mirror to style his hair a little and then called Namjoon. Who happily picked up the phone.

"Hello dear friend," Namjoon's voice said through the phone and bad connection.

"Hey Joon," Seokjin said with a smile. "Can you open that package, I wanna know which of the tshirts I ordered it is," He grinned as he wandered off.

"How was your night with- wait what is his name?" Namjoon asked as you could hear him opening a cupboard to search scissors. Seokjin heard some ruffling and a soft 'Gotcha,'

"Park Jimin, he's really cute,"

"Is he guy who performs in that one cafe?" Namjoon cut open something

"I don't know which one you mean but he has a job in a cafe," Seokjin replied as he lied down on Jimin's bed.

"It's a pink one with a peach emoji on the right side of your chest," Namjoon mumbled as you could hear him drop the scissors.

"Cool cool," Seokjin said as he stood up again walking around Jimin's room.

"But he is cute," Namjoon mumbled.

"Dare to," Seokjin replied. "But how do I help jealousy?"

"Who are you jealous of?" Namjoon asked, his voice included a very curious tone in it, mainly knowing Jin didn't get jealous, too because Seokjin had never dated anybody.

"His friends, they're so close with him," Seokjin mumbled. "I think you shouldn't let it bother you Jin," Namjoon said. "But get out there and win him, I gotta go to Hoseok," Namjoon said as you could hear him smile.

"Bye Namjoon,"

"Bye Seokjin," He said before he hung up and then Seokjin looked into the mirror walking into the living room again.

Jimin was going through the notebook Jungkook left in front of him, his mind occupied with all the tunes written in the pages. The sound of the door to his room opening pulled him out of his thoughts as he looked at Seokjin. With his hair styled and an unsure look on his face, Seokjin looked a different form of beautiful: like a painted angel. Jimin closed the notebook Jungkook left behind and turned his attention to Seokjin.

"I don't have class till midday today. What about you? Do you wanna go out for a walk later?" He asked with a smile, his body turning to face Seokjin.

Seokjin looked at Jimin. "Me neither," He said as he sat down on the couch. He sat on the total another side than Jimin. "If you want to," Seokjin said looking at the smaller boy.

Jimin's smile faltered but he didn't think much of it. "We should do by your place though, get you more comfortable clothes, you should take a shower and everything too. But do you have anything you want to do?" Jimin asked, his usual bright smile plastered on his face.

"I don't know what I want right now," Seokjin mumbled to his own feet. He looked up to Jimin. Hoping Jimin would notice his eager to talk to Jimin about what made him so sad, not that Jimin said something more than what Jimin didn't say to him, he shouldn't have expected Jimin to. He shouldn't have said I love you to Jimin in the first place.

Jimin bit his lip and shifted on the sofa to move closer to Seokjin. "Seokjin...? What's bothering you?" He gently grasped Seokjin's hand and stroked the back of his hand with his thumb like last night. He knew that it probably had something to do with their encounter earlier in the kitchen but he couldn't really say anything about it. It was how it was and even though Taehyung told him to go for it, it was still going to take time for him to let himself free from the cage he had caged himself in.

"Did I go too fast?" He threw the words out as his fingers played with his t-shirt. "Is that why you didn't say 'I love you' back?" He asked. He knew he normally fell in love way too fast. He had done it before with some worse outcomes.

"I'm sorry Jimin, but I do really love you."

Jimin smiled painfully, "yeah... Maybe you did go too fast... You should give yourself some time to know me before you say it... I... I'm not as perfect as you make me out to be. Outwardly I might look stellar but inside I'm a rotten person and I didn't say it back because I want to protect you Seokjin. Taehyung told me I should let you decide if you want to deal with my demons but I don't want you committing and then running away because my demons are too much for you. I didn't say it back because you don't love me Seokjin... You only love a part of me." Jimin laughed in self-mockery, "it's hard to completely love someone like me. So don't say it yet Seokjin, it hurts because you're giving me too much hope for the future and that future is nothing but bleak and dark."

Seokjin didn't know what to say, he knew he was exactly the same. He had a lot of flaws in his face and personality, and he didn't know exactly what to say. But he knew he would deal with those flaws of Jimin.

"I wouldn't run away," He mumbled. "I would never run away from you," He said as he looked at his hand holding Jimin's hand. He held Jimin's hand tighter.

"I fell for you," Seokjin said. "I am not afraid of any of your flaws that would come soon," he continued as he looked into Jimin's eyes. "I too have flaws, and everybody does, your mom does, the person you look up to does, your teachers have flaws, everybody has them," Seokjin stopped for a moment to breathe in and out.

"And I am ready to meet yours and love them just as much as I love you now." He ended looking at Jimin.

Jimin bit his lip and nodded. "I'll let you decide but I don't know... I'm scared of history repeating I suppose. If I let you love me, I'll also let you hurt me. And knowingly or unknowingly if you do, it'll destroy me Seokjin..." He chewed on the inside of his cheek, playing with Seokjin's fingers. "I don't know if I'm ready for that. And if I say I love you right now, I don't know if I'll say it knowing the full meaning. I can say I've loved before but the way it has hurt me tells me not to love again. And if that hurt is love then no I don't love you. I don't ever want to hurt you Seokjin. I just want to stay next to you, care for you and support you in every way I can. But I don't know if I can call it love yet Seokjin. It's tough for me..." He couldn't look at Seokjin, he knew he'd be hurt.

Seokjin was so close to crying. He didn't want to see Jimin so broken, he only knew him for less than 24 hours, but he already felt like he had known him for all of his life, but missing some parts of knowledge. Missing pieces in a puzzle. The puzzle called Jimin, and he was ready to find all pieces and love the full puzzle.

"Love isn't anywhere close to pain," Seokjin said as his voice was ready to break down. Seokjin still felt Jimin playing with his fingers. "I'm sorry you went through bad emotions in a relationship, but relationships shouldn't have bad emotions linked, then it isn't a healthy relationship," Seokjin said as he moved his hand and took Jimin's chin between his thumb and index finger.

"It's okay if you don't want to love me yet, but please don't leave me," Seokjin said as he let go of Jimin's chin. He stood up and walked to Jimin's room, he got his bag and put it down on the floor of the hallway. Seokjin heard the sound of raindrops on the window of the apartment. He was reminded of the pizza in the fridge and opened it. He took the boxes out and put them into the microwave.

Jimin cursed himself mentally for being so weak. He cursed himself for making Seokjin's voice crack like that, he cursed himself for not letting his eyes look at Seokjin's face. He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat, he suddenly felt cold.