Overrated | The Voice France / MIKA & OC

6.5 - Semi-Finals. Loose Ends

The next few days go by quite fast and eventless, to my relief. I can't bring myself to talk to Flori, and Gaspard keeps avoiding me. He doesn't even show up at our rehearsal, fully aware that he'll be in trouble for it.

And of course, with all this in mind, I just can't be in the mood to work. Even my seemingly healed leg starts hurting again, as if giving me a reason to stay in my room and slack off.

But my coach doesn't care. Or, to be exact, he actually cares, understands, and does all he can to put me back in order - and for Mika it means forgetting my problems in music and probably singing my pain out. Hell, he even assigned me a song I love - even if it's a ballad, which he said he didn't want to do this time. And he's right, as always - it works.

***

- Land Of All, Woodkid, - he repeats the name of the piece during our coaching, in front of the cameras, - When I heard this song, I thought of you. Remembered your first performance on the show - behind the piano, quiet, fragile, and yet so powerful. Conducting emotion like a bare wire. Finding couarage in your vulnerability. And suddenly, it all came together for me - this is the Alice I saw and didn't want to lose, and this is how the audience should see you!

He wants me to play and sing this time. No more special effects to distract, just me and music, he says. I can't agree more.

***

Me and music. That's exactly what I need right now, actually - the little conclusion I come up with on a Friday evening. It just happens that karma gave me a little spare time among the rehearsals, interviews and video shootings, so I go out and get lost, just wandering around the neighbourhod, music in headphones and world shut off.

It's strange how I never bothered to walk here more. I've been living in Paris for a month now, and how come I didn't even once go out and just look around?
In fact, there are many things I like to ignore. And it's even harder for me to notice if something goes away.
Suddenly, I find myself trying to remember if something changed for the last few months, and to my surprise, realize that it did. Not much, it seems like I just lost many little things I thought were a big part of me, like the way I used to dress all in black and wear make up heavier than I knew I should have. Or my habit to drink away my troubles - strange, I haven't even thought about it here! Or the way I would always think about my mother when I reflected on my future - and pictures her, never having the time for anything other than work, never being home and never having fatigue leave her face. The thought of it scares me to death, and makes me feel guilty that I didn't do anything to help her, although she didn't ask me to - the only thing she told me to do was find a place in life and never make the mistakes of my father.

And even though we don't talk much these days, and I know that she might be busy, I take my phone in a sudden impulse and dial her number.

She picks up a second after.

- Something happened? - the first thing she says, of course. We don't talk unless it's an emergency.

- No, I... - how can I explain this, really? - I just wanted to talk.

- Oh, okay then.

It was a bad idea, - my mind quickly panics, - What was I thinking?

- Look, if you're busy, I'll call...

- I saw you on TV, Ali, - she speaks before me, and laughs, - Боже мой, I knew you liked singing, but I never thought you were that serious about it!

- I didn't know that myself before I came here.

- So, this is what you're going to do?

- Well, yeah. I think.

- Good. I guess I can be calm now that you've found finally a place for yourself.

- I'm not going to win, though.

- I know you won't, so what? You don't have to be the best, really, you've already proven that you're good enough.

- I have?

- Further than anyone's ever expected, I'm sure! You know I didn't like the idea at firs, too, - she sighs, - Look, I don't tell you this much, but... I'm so proud of you, Ali.

A phrase so cliche, but I realize why it's so powerful. It just sums up everything you want to hear from a parent. I didn't let her down, after all.

- Thank you.

I hang up, feeling slightly more complete than before. Another "level-up", as if I needed to do that way sooner.

***

And with that newly regained confidence, I turn around and walk back to the studio. I have to speak to my friends before this mood goes away.

I find Flori in her room, and she quite easily guesses what I want to talk about, and that I won't back down before she tells me. She doesn't try to resist.

- The girl I texted - she got confused, - she says when I ask her what happened, - Then told me I was drunk and didn't think straight. I panicked and agreed, even made up a whole story, like it was all a mistake. Never knew I was that good at lying. And now I don't think I'll have the courage to speak to her again.

- I'm sorry.
She gives me a sad smile. Like Emily, as if she wanted to be mad at me, but couldn't.

- It wasn't really your fault, though. If you told me not to do it, I would probably go ask someone else. This confession - it's a thing I really wanted to let out, I think, and you just happened to be the reason I needed.

- So, you're not hating me?

She shrugs:

- I guess not. Just upset a little, but it's okay. I'll figure it out. Besides, there are things more important now, aren't there?

***

Gaspard is more difficult to find, but I manage - he's in the studio, sneaked in one of those rooms where we shoot our coachings. He slouches when he hears my footsteps - how does he know it's me? Anyway...

- Stop, - I tell him directly, - And tell me what's going on.

He's harder to get, as I expected. So he denies it for a while:

- Nothing.

If in any other situation I try to be understating and careful, this time I have no patience, so I approach him despite his discomfort:

- I said stop. You ran away and didn't even hear what I wanted to say. And it's important that you understand.

He raises his gaze at me sheepishly. I sit down at the piano next to him and finally have the chance to come out:

- I like you, I really do. It's just that I can't feel what you feel towards me, ok.

It takes him a second.

- Oh. So, you're more into girls, then?

- Not exactly, - I reply, a bit relieved that he's taken it in the right direction. It's always awkward to explain, - I'm into girls either. I'm not... into anyone, I guess?

- Ok, - he nods, trying to comprehend it, and rather quickly succeeding, - I think I get it. Just... Platonic "like", then?

- Yeah, pretty much.

- But do you mind that I'm into you? I mean, I won't ask for something you can't give...

- No, I don't mind it at all. It doesn't change anything. I still want to be your partner.

Then I finally see that his usual chill returns, almost as before. And all this was because he was afraid that I'd stop talking to him!

What can I say, the karma had mercy this time - all the drama in my life was over before it could get any worse.

Just in time for me to prepare for the hardest challenge so far.

Saturday has come.