Book 2: The Seventeen Heirs Series; Jeon Wonwoo (SEVENTEEN FANFIC)

1: OBSEQUISES

The weather shouldn't be like this. Rain should've poured down heavily. I want something to start darkness, like storm and lightning ready to lash on me and break me into pieces. Not like this, blue shining day sky. I can't feel how wonderful the weather is. I'm feeling too crappy and messed up.

I can't feel anything but anger - anger that I built for myself. Anger due to him dying on my place. I should've been the one inside that black coffin buried feet under the cold ground. It should've been me, not him. I should be the one who turned out dead that day.

I'm too broken and unfixable that I regret living for the second time around. I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I will forever pay for my sin - sin that I let my own bestfriend die in that accident. My bestfriend, my brother.

How I wish I could mute every sound I'm hearing around me, especially the shattering cry of his sister as she watched her brother, her only family get buried beneath the ground. Her sobs breaks me into pieces, as if they're knives cutting me deeply as I sat here in the car few meters away, watching all the people I mostly knew, mourning for him.

I'm a fucking coward, I know. I can't even get close and mourn for losing my own bestfriend whom I considered as a brother. The world should condemn me for that, everybody should hate me.

As time goes by, people started to leave one after another. Yet one person remained.

Her. Leanne.

His baby sister. Abandoned and turned into an orphan all because of me.

I shouldn't have agreed to him. I should've listen to her when she told me to stop attracting danger that her brother loves so much. Yet I was stubborn and too hard-headed. It's my entire fault. If only I didn't agree to him, he would have been alive until now and that. . . . Leanne. She shouldn't be crying over losing her only family.

The afternoon cold wind blew as Leanne turned towards my direction, her eyes catching mine. I was too slow to hide or even close my car window. I couldn't drive way now look away as she looked at me for a very agonizing few minutes.

Her facer is paler that usual. Her dress made her look paler. She wasn't wearing her usual pastel coloured dress today instead she's wearing a black long dress for her beloved brother. I felt cold at the sadness it brought to me because Light won't see her again. He would never see her wear bright coloured dresses anymore, just as he wanted her baby sister to do so.

Even at a distance, I could clearly see her puffed eyes. He face is swollen from crying. Grief is clear as glass that's hiding behind the shadows of her hazel eyes. Sadness and anger which I knew are directed to me. I know I built them there by myself. I'm the cause of her irreparable damage.

I can't look at her for too long so I turned away as I remember her voice hours before that accident.

"Wonwoo, please! You need to stop my brother. It's too risky and dangerous. That car he plans to use is still under maintenance. He'll be in danger, Wonwoo."

"You don't need to worry, Leanne. I'm here. I'll take care of him. I won't let anything bad happen."

Now, hearing my own words mocked me. My naivety and self-confidence were too strong. And now, I lost my own bestfriend and a brother because of my recklessness.

I can see her walking towards me. She looked so calm and collected but I saw how her hands balled into fists at her sides and her face, painted with pure mourning and anger. She stopped few meter form me. I climbed down the car. She's close, yet too far. She's close enough that I can inhale her intoxicating sweet scent from both her perfume and shampoo. Too far because of the emotions she's battling with. Everything reminds me of my loss. Our very own loss.

Her eyes narrowed. "How dare you show yourself after what you've done?" Her voice is low and rough. I can't set aside the anger sticking in every word she said.

"I just. . . . " I stopped as my throat tightened. I gulped and tried again. "I-I just wanted to share my condolences."

Light - her brother and my one and only bestfriend. The only person I trusted besides my own brothers. I've been struggling living my own life like everyone of my brothers as we grew up in a strong, uptight and powerful family. No one else listened to me. Not the people whom I considered as friends and not even my own family. Yet Light has been there for me since the beginning. He helped me to be the best person I could be. He guided me when my own father didn't have the effort to do so.

All I know is that I'm my own father's disappointment. No matter what I do and how hard I try, I didn't even see him looked at me with pride. I've always been the black hole of our ever p0erfect family. The one who is known to be the reckless, unprincipled and rebellious son.

Yet Light saw the best in me. He made me believe that I can be the better me that my own father failed to see.

But right now, staring through the pit of fire in Leanne's eyes, I couldn't feel anything but painful humiliation and shame. These feelings will be forever stitched in me like a symbol of pain tattooed from the deepest part of my soul.

"I never needed your condolences." Her voice shook from anger that she's been controlling as she tries not to lash out on me. How I wish she would just beat the hell out of me and throw me to a nearest cliff sending a cruel laugh because in that way, it might lessen the pain she's feeling right now.

"You knew that he was the only family I have. Now, I'm all alone because of you. My brother died, thanks to you."

I felt my heart stopped beating and blood stopped circulating in my system after hearing the exact words from her. "I-I'm so. . . . . . .S-sorry." I faintly said. I couldn't say much but ask for forgiveness which I know I'm not worthy of over and over again.

"Sorry?" Her voice broke and her dead eyes pulled the trigger of the imaginary gun pointed to my heart inside of me. "It was all your fault and I will never forgive you. You lived and he did not. I will never forgive you for letting him die just like that and whatever you do or say, I will never forget what you did."

Her words felt like broken glass hurtfully piercing my whole being. It stung and hurts more than anyone could know. If a gun is right on her hand, she could really pull the trigger, shooting me many time as she would be happily watching me fall and crash on the cold hard ground.

"I really want to hurt you right now but I know my brother won't like it. So before I could break the promise I made to him, it would be good for you to just leave."

I could feel the tightening grip on my heart as I saw her tears rolling down her flushed cheeks as she turned away. I guess Light hates me now for making his baby sister cry. That's what I thought as I watch Leanne walk away from me. She stood at his grave for a few minutes before she finally left.

Then I am all alone.

At this moment, I just want to die more than anything else. My pillar, my brother and my bestfriend is gone - gone forever. I felt like everything good, beautiful, promising and hopeful are broken and long destroyed. Feeling like this is a lot worst that I thought. It hurt more that Leanne wanted to hurt me.

The cold wind brushed my whole body as the sky darkened, the way I wanted it to be.

Suicide. It would be easy for me, too damn easy. Too easy that I wanted to do it but could not. My sin will forever torment my soul. My life will be forever buried with unpayable debt. No amount of forgiveness will save me from the cruel fires of hell.

This is my fucked up life. The painful truth that I will forever live with until the day I die.