Secrets (Zayn Malik)

Chapter 12

My mind was jumbled, crowded with so many thoughts. Some simple, some about as complicated at a rubrics cube. I've learned over the past week that I have a tendency to live inside my mind. Over analyzing every little detail, quite possibly driving myself over the edge, into infinite insanity.
I ponder over my relationship, or complication, with Zayn. I haven't spoken to him in a week, due to our last encounter. It bothers me because I was genuinely growing feelings for him. Yet, when beautiful girls walk by, I'm equally as relevant as the dirt on his shoes. Unnoticed, unworthy if his attention, all because there are much prettier girls than myself. Never has that been more clear to me.

I chew on my pen, as I stare blankly at my laptop screen. Mr.Hart assigned us to write a paper on the human mind. Ironic, considering I've yet to fully understand my own. It's a broad spectrum, i can take this topic anywhere really. The way the human mind works, or breaks down with age. The process of falling in love, or the power of the conscience. I decide to expand on the idea of my own mind. As I begin to come up with my thesis statement, a loud knock bangs on my door. I roll my eyes. As if I couldn't hear a more subtle knock. I hop off the bed adjusting my sweatpants, and make my way to the door.

"Really, was it necessary to kn-" my breathing hitches, and I stare at the sight in front of me.

Zayn.

I fold my arms across my chest, and bow my head.

"What do you want?" I glare up at him.

"To talk to you." He states.

"Well, in case you're wondering slut city is straight down the hall. Room 315 to be exact." I retort, as I lean against the wooden door frame. He sighs, and runs his finger through his uncombed hair.
I reach back and begin to close the door, until a foot steps between it and the frame.

"Ella, if I wanted one of them, I would be there right now." He mumbles, and finally raises his head as his eyes meet mine. For a brief second I get lost in his eyes for the umpteenth time, never wanting to look away. But then I remember who they belong to, and I can't stand to look any longer. I release the door and walk back toward my bed, hearing the door shut behind me.

"That would totally explain why you felt embarrassed by me, as soon as a pretty girl walked by."
I crawl onto my bed and close my laptop, giving him my undivided, yet undeserved attention.

"Listen," he holds his hand up to silence me. "I'm sorry okay? I've never been in a relationship like this before." A warm feeling rises in my chest at his mention of the word relationship, but my face shows no emotion.

"I know I'll sound like a little bitch when I say this, but I've also never met a girl who made me feel the way you do. It's insane, because there's still so much more I want to know yet I'm already drawn to you." He bites on his lip ring, and I pray that he'll stop soon. As I ponder his words, I remind myself that I'm not that type.

"Zayn I'm not that type, your-"

"Cut the bullshit, because that's exactly what I'm hearing right now." His voice is deep, and I'm taken back by it.

"I know you like me, Ell, I do. I see it on your face every time you look at me." He sits next to me, and cups my face in his hand. The lamp beside us casts a yellow glow on his face and I'm mesmerized by perfection.

"And I like you too, I like you so fucking much it hurts." His eyes are pleading with me, his cool breathe fans over my face as his lips remain just inches away from mine.

My heart is tugged in so many directions, and I can't help but accept the truth for what it is. I smile into his hands, placing mine gently over his wrists.