Secrets (Zayn Malik)

Epilogue

Zayn

Two months.

I haven't seen her face, heard her laugh, or seen her smile in two months. Chances are she thinks I'm dead, and truly, I should be. But I'm such a coward, that I can't bring myself to make that huge sacrifice. No, somehow I still have a sliver of pointless hope inside of me that I'll see her again. I wouldn't know where to look though being that I was told she withdrew from the university.

But she could still be here, somewhere, missing me just as much as I miss her.

"Hey mate, what are you doing?" Jamie leans against the entrance of the doorway, watching me as I'm siting in front of my dresser.

The plan today was to rid one drawer of her clothes that I haven't exactly forced myself to do, and finally erase every piece of her existence from my flat. But all I've been doing is sitting on the floor, scrolling through Instagram. Solely to keep my mind off of her, but I find myself wanting to search her name and see if she has a page.

"I'm cleaning this out. Just going to throw everything away actually." I sigh, and begin to pull shirts from the box.

"Right. You said that about a week ago, yet here you are once again." He crosses his arms, and cocks one eyebrow up.

"Yeah well, it took me time. But if you could hand me a trash bag that'd be wonderful." I smile up at him awkwardly, and he rolls his eyes as he turns away to retrieve one.

Every day that goes by, I feel even worse for not telling him that I need to make that final deal with Michael. He's my best friend, and I know if I told him he'd only remind me how stupid I am. He'd probably even convince me not to, and I can't let him do that.

I turn my attention back to my phone, and the urge to search her name becomes unbearable.

"Here's your bag." Jamie tosses the plastic on the floor at my feet, and kneels next to me.

"Do you think she has an Instagram?" I ask accidentally, more like thinking out loud.

"Who? Oh, no don't do it." He warns, and reaches for my phone but I hold it high in the air, pressing the E button.

"Zayn, stop yourself or I'll stop you!" He climbs on top of me, but I push him back to the floor typing in the two L's.

"I have to know if she's okay!" I shout over his constant warning and scolding, and stretch the phone out in front of me typing in her full name.

"You're not going to be okay if you know she's not!" He yells, and pins me to the floor under his body.

I shove him away forcefully, and sit up panting heavily.

"I'm not okay now, Jamie. I'm not okay with not being sure how she is at all. It's a fucking lose lose situation!" I breathe heavily, and watch as his eyes examine my face.

"Fine," he speaks up. "Hurt yourself. I'll be right here if you do."

Even though that was supposed to sound supportive, I don't feel very much better at all. If anything I only feel guilty, for completely ignoring his advice as my practical half brother.

"Thank you." I whisper, and he nods, closing his eyes and leaning back on his hands across the carpet.

I type her last name in, and catch my breath when I read the first result.

Ellana Rivers (Ella R.)

What catches me even more off guard is her profile picture. It's of her and I, on Christmas in my flat. My head is resting on her shoulder, making a pouty face while she's sticking her tongue out.

"19 years old and still figuring this shit out." I read her bio out loud, and am slightly happy that her profile isn't private.

The other part of me is pissed off because she couldn't be anymore stupid. One thing she should've never done is make an Instagram, and on top of that, make it public. For people like me, to go through her every picture many times over again.

But I have a logical reason to stalk.

I think.

"What does it say?" Jamie speaks up, nudging me with his knee.

I scroll back to the top of her page, and notice an edited picture of the Heathrow Airport.

"What the hell?" I mutter, and shakily tap the picture.

Her caption reads ''So long London x :)" and my heart plummets to the bottom of the fucking earth.

"She's leaving."

"What?" Jamie speaks up, and snatches the phone from me as I sit in shock.

Any hope I had of running into her, or seeing her again, vanished right before my eyes as soon as I read that caption.

"Hey I refreshed and she posted something else!" He slaps my shoulder and I lie down on my floor.

"I don't care. She's already gone."

"Zayn, sit up mate. She's probably really stupid for posting this but you have to look." He yanks me back up by the arm, and my vision goes blurry for a bit.

"What is it?"

He turns the phone to me, and shows me a sky view photo of some city I don't recognize.

"She's going to New York City."

A/N: PLEASE PLEASE READ.
Thank you to those who have stuck with this story from beginning to end. It means the universe that over six thousand people have picked my story, and many have added it to their lists and what not. I didn't think I'd even get 500, let alone 6,000+. Now that may not seem like much, but for me I really didn't expect that. And for you to vote constantly and comment? I'm so grateful really I am :) and I know as people discover this book it'll only grow from here. And with you as the readers, I know it'll continue to get better.

I love all of you with every bit of my heart and hope you enjoy Confessions as much as I enjoy writing it. I'll keep it as realistic yet dramatic, yet fun, yet funny as possible lol. Just expect a lot of turns and there are people left that I haven't ended their stories ;D

Onto Confessions- Nat x :)

CONFESSIONS IS OFFICIALLY PUBLISHED. IF YOUD LIKE TO READ IT JUST ADD IT TO YOUR LIBRARY.