Secrets (Zayn Malik)

Chapter 40

Zayns POV

"Then why hasn't he hurt you?" She asks again, worry clear in her eyes.

So she does love me. My whole body relaxes, sighing in relief of the fact that the feeling isn't one way, but mutual. But in my head, I'm weighing the circumstances. Could she find enough love in her heart to forgive me for all the disgusting things I've done? Some, even to her? My imagination creates a tiny red creature on my shoulder, and a clean white figure on the other, mentally applying unbearable pressure on my shoulder.

It's best to push her away, to not hurt her and accept your well deserved consequences.

You love her, keep her close no matter how hard things get, even if you end up hurting her.

Let her know you love her.

"What are you saying?" I step closer, my body towering over hers.

"I love you, you're one of the people I love most, and I'm wondering why he hasn't hurt you." She wraps her arms around me, and I place my chin on top of her head. My guilt is consuming me, eating me alive, and I can't embrace her the way she needs me to. God, I love her but my mind won't allow me to push my thoughts away and tell her I do.

The clicks open, and we both turn to see Ashley stepping out. "Hey I can't sleep, so I'm going to get some tea. Would you like some?"

"No, I'm fine." Ella smiles softly, and I simply shake my head.

She nods, and makes her way past us, dragging her giraffe slippers across the tile.

"He may try to hurt me next."

"What?"

"He may try to hurt me, to get to you."

"But you wouldn't let that happen right?" She asks worriedly, piercing blue eyes scanning my face.

"What the fuck? Of course I wouldn't!" I whisper harshly, but my voice is much louder due to this small ass hallway.

"Ella I," I can't do this, I can't be so selfish.

Tell her already.

"I care about you." I sigh heavily, cursing myself for the rest of eternity. She steps back suddenly, the deadly silence between us overwhelming me. She giggles to herself, quietly laughing as she stares at the floor.

What the fuck?

"You care about me?" She smiles, but the pain washes over, overriding her beautiful straight teeth. I nod, and she laughs even harder, but a tear slips down her cheek. She wipes it away hurriedly, and glares at me. Her lips twist, and she bites the inside of her cheek, gathering more patience for a dumb ass like me.

"I just admitted that I love you, and all you can say is you care about me?" She raises her eyebrows, shocked.

If you only knew how much I love you.

"Yes, I care about you and I can't let him hurt you, not while I'm in your life at least."

"I care about you too, just as much as I care about Ashley or my mom. Difference is I love you, but hey, yeah I care about you." She shrugs, stuffing her hands in her pockets. "If you care about me, then leave."

"What? No fuc-"

"No, leave." She yells over me. "Leave because it hurts a lot less not being able to see you, and knowing you don't love me, than torturing myself now." Her face is set in stone, cold eyes glaring me down.

"I'm going to see Michael, whether you like it or not." With that, she turns away and walks to the door. The farther away she gets, the louder the voice in my head screams at me for letting her walk away.

I grab her wrist and spin her around, pressing her against the wall.

"Wha-" I cut her off mid sentence and press my lips to hers. I hear her sign into the kiss, but push away quickly.

"What are you doing?" She's out of breath and caught off guard.

"I lied." I breathe, pressing my forehead against hers. "I lied because I don't care about you. I love you, and that means more than I care about you. I love you more than anything and I'd like to show you."

Her eyes scan my face, and I let my hands roam her side, under her sweater. The contact of our skin is enough to light me on fire, and I can't wait any longer for her response.

"I love you too." She smiles softly, her eyes slowly closing as she leans in to me. She presses her lips to mine, connecting perfectly. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I gently squeeze her sides, earning a moan from her lips. I take the opportunity to slip my tongue in and she doesn't reject me.

She doesn't reject me.

I place my hands on the back of her thighs, and hoist her up against the wall, wrapping her legs around my waist. She pulls away, and sloppily kisses my neck.

"Ashley could come back you know," she whispers, looking around the empty hallway.

"I'm more concerned about us being in this hallway."

"Right." She kisses me again, and I guide her towards her door. I reach one arm from under her, and open the door, soon kicking it open with my foot. I lock it behind me to make sure no one ruins the amazing night I'm about to have. The room is completely black, and if figure that's good for me, yet also really bad. Good, because I'll last longer not looking at her, seeing her whole body react to me. Bad, because I've never seen her entire body. I've taken her bra off, but never finished with her underwear.

I'll finish this time.

She yanks her sweater over her head, and I feel her very full chest press against mine. The only barrier between our skin is the bra that I'd rather rip off right now. My knees hit the foot of the bed, and I drop her onto the soft mattress below as she yelps in surprise. She giggles as I crawl on top of her, and I can't explain what the sound does to me. I feel her fingers brush my skin, as she slowly pulls my shirt over my head, before tossing it in the darkness.

"Are we going to finish this time?" She asks, and by the tone of her voice I know that's a double sided question.

"I'll make sure of that."

She sighs heavily as she feels my hands unclasp her bra and I kiss the skin just above her breast, torturously.

I need to see her.

I pull away, and reach out, hoping to hit the lamp eventually. My fingertips come in contact with a cold stone surface, and fondle the surface until I feel the switch, turning the lamp on. She's so beautiful, exposed to me and I know as soon as I have all of her clothes off, the light needs to be turned off.

I come over her again, this time not waiting a minute to peel off her jeans. She runs her hands through my hair as my fingers trace the bare skin of her thighs.

"Zayn," she moans seductively, as I throw her pants on to the floor.

I ignore her pleas, and focus on the awaited task at hand as my fingers slip through her underwear pulling them down from around her waist torturously. She pulls me up, cupping my face as she presses her lips against mine.

"Zayn!" She whines, and I pull away to stare at her.

"Make love to me." She whispers, as she takes my hand and places it between her thighs.

Sorry! This will finish in the next one, but just to satisfy those who are reading lol