Soul Search

The Crushing Reality of Julia Woods

"Micah Halabi." My mom demands when I walk through the door, "do you have any idea what time it is?"

Yeah I do, it's almost 1:00 AM. She looks like she's about to lecture me, then she see I'm crying. I had managed to keep it together until Abby drove me home and had me explain what happened. She insisted we stop at seven eleven to get slushees cause I was sobbing almost as much as Julia was.

"I'm sorry." I croaked.

"What happened at the party?" She asked, taking me into her arms and rubbing my back, my glasses pressed uncomfortable against my face.

"You-you know how I was telling you I girl I liked was going?" I managed. "Well I found out she's not my soulmate."

"Oh Micah." She sighed. "When your father and I told you to make an effort we didn't want to stress you out like this, we just-"

"You were scared I'd end up like Abby." I spat bitterly. "She's not broken just because she doesn't want a boyfriend mom."

"No no, of course not. Micah listen to me. Abby is a strong independent young woman, and I support anything the two of you do, I don't want you to end up like me, like your dad and I. I want you to be happy." She sighed, running her hands through my hair.

I started crying again, I couldn't help myself.

The next few days were almost a blur. I messed up a lot in play practice, because I kept feeling like I was gonna mess everything up. The role Mrs. Frieda had given me was frighteningly large, I was terrified, even though the play wasn't for weeks. I had ages to practice but every time I opened up the script I just felt sick to my stomach.

"Are you feeling okay dude?" Alex asked me one day, as I watched Arthur go over his lines with Abe in the scene where Romeo and Paris fought each other.

"I don't know if I can do this." I admitted, I was so miserable I didn't even stutter.

"The play? What are you talking about, you're amazing. You're probably the best out of all of us here." Alex insisted, picking at new bracelet he had, it was pink, yellow, blue like his earrings. "You're incredible on stage, you're succinct, persuasive."

My eyes widened. "You listen to Hamilton?"

Alex snorted. "Who doesn't?"

That made feel a bit better. Until my eyes landed on Julia and that nasty voice rang out in my head again.

She doesn't love you.

Abby called me later that day.

"Hey, how are you doing, player two?"

"I'm...doing." I sighed, stretching out on my bed.

"You know there are plenty of girls in the world, there's lots of Julias." She assured.

I didn't answer, I was too distraught.

"You want me to come over? We can eat ice cream and watch Netflix, your mom's not home right?"

"I think...I think I just want to be alone for a bit Abby." I told her gently.

"Okay, I'll text you later. Don't do anything stupid okay? Take it from me, there's more to life than love, you know."

"Yeah, you don't have to worry about me." I assured.

I hung up and just stared at my ceiling.

The next morning went by sluggishly. I hate Mondays, this was no different. We had P.E. on Mondays, and I'm not a very P.E. kind of person. The teacher, this extremely fit middle age guy who's name I had forgotten a long time ago, tended to yell at us a lot. I don't getting yelled at very well so I always tried to do my best, I had passed out once. This time however, I didn't care. I fell behind with the lazy kids and got my butt yelled off. It was the first time I noticed Greg (who I had the misfortune of sharing that class with) wasn't that fit either, he always kinda hung behind and wheezed a lot. What did Julia see in him that she didn't see in me?

I had to do extra push ups afterwards because I slacked. I powered through them and kept looking forward to the end of the day when I could go home, avoid homework, eat junk food, and sleep. I felt like I wasn't taking the best care of my body lately. I didn't have the energy to change that right now.

Julia doesn't love you.

The locker rooms were mostly empty when I finally made my way inside. I was late to my next class but then again I didn't care. I wonder if this is what Greg felt like, not caring about anything.

Speak of the devil, he walked into the room at that exact moment.