Soul Search

The Wonderfully Startling Realization that is Sexuality

I was jittery the next morning. Very jittery. I usually got here before Abby, and I wondered when Greg was gonna show up. I kept jumping at every little noise, until finally I spotted him shuffling towards me, still wearing that squishy, grey, oversized hoodie he always wore. We made eye contact and I quickly broke and looked down as he stood next to me. We both stood there awkwardly for a few minutes.

"So..." He trailed off.

"Yeah." I replied, I hated this, I feel my face burning up with embarrassment as I struggled to stay calm.

"Goodness Micah." Greg broke the silence finally, reaching up to clasps his chest. "Is that...? Is that you?"

"Is wh-what me?" I stammered wondering what the heck he was referring too.

He grimaced. "That, good golly I think I'm picking up on your heart beat, would you calm down for a second?"

"I-I can't help it, you make me nervous!" I stuttered again.

Greg shook his head I'd disbelief. "No wonder you're so skinny with this thing hammering around in your chest all day."

"Can you really feel that?" I asked, stepping away from him ever so slightly.

"Are you saying you don't?"

"No!"

"Okay calm down." Greg interrupted, seeing as I was getting worked up. "It's not that bad I was just messing with you."

"Can you really feel my heartbeat though?" I quietly demanded, slightly curious.

He looked at me for a moment. "Yeah. It's really weird."

"I don't feel yours." I admitted, wondering if something was wrong.

"I think it's probably because I'm not the one having five heart attacks at once right now."

"Greg!"

"Right, sorry."

We stood there in awkward silence for a few more minutes.

"About yesterday..." I started.

"Yeah." He agreed.

"Yeah." I replied

Greg shrugged. "Listen I'm not...holding a grudge or anything, but why did you run away?"

There it was, the question I wasn't ready for. I could my heart pounding in my ears.

"Whoa, hey man, I didn't mean to freak you out with the questions it's just, I got a lot if mixed signals." Greg said again, trying very hard not to reach up his chest again.

"N-no I get it. I'm sorry I just wasn't expecting...a boy."

"Oh." Greg replied. "So...you're not gay?"

I rubbed my arms nervously. "I don't know."

"Questioning?"

"I guess."

He had to look up at me to look into my eyes, and he stepped a bit closer. I pretended like a didn't notice but I felt calmer. He had a weird effect on me.

"That's perfectly fine if you don't know, take it from me, rushing to find an identity is the wrong thing to do, you should just, take your time." Greg advised, and did something I wasn't used used to seeing, he smiled, just a bit.

I blinked, and smiled back, just a little bit too. This felt good, which was strange. "This is so weird."

"What is?"