A Storm In Mind

Chapter 1 - Guarded

So, it's Tuesday, God how I hate Tuesdays, History with Mr Woods - Double History. I am so not feeling this at the moment, oh well here I am bag ready, uniform on, PE kit. "Morning Gang" Shouted Mike as he was swamped by us all in the kitchen wanting breakfast. I rushed through the crowd of kids grabbing for the orange juice, cereal and bowls, Harry had poured me some juice so I gulped it down and made my way towards the door. 

"Not eating breakfast Ryan?" May Li called, 

"nah, not hungry" I answered, grabbing my stuff. 

"Don't forget your....." May Li began, but I was already through the door. I knew what May Li was trying to say because we all had sandwiches for lunch but I'd 'forgotten' mine on purpose.

 I'm so not hungry at the moment, my minds constantly racing, my hearts beating faster and my anxiety levels are just through the roof. Got to act normal though, I can manage this after all, I've always managed on my own. Thing is its March; nearly Mother's Day, adverts in every window, on the TV, Radio, constantly bombarding my mind. How I hate this time of year, it stresses me out so much.

I arrived at school before the others and decided to go to the LRC. It's usually peaceful here; the other kids from the dumping ground rarely use it. I picked a textbook up from the shelf and sat at the table, as I tried to read through it my mind was jumping from one thought to another, only the sound of the morning registration bell brought my concentration back. I left the book on the table and made my way to the form.

"Morning Ryan" said Mrs Baggueley in her usual cheerful warm tone, 

"morning Miss," I answered in my usual monotone voice. 

After registration, the dreaded history. I didn't mind Mr Woods; it's just that History bored the pants off me. I was sat in the lesson, paying attention, or so I thought when, "Ryan, Ryan" Mr Woods voice called, "

Sir", I answered suddenly being snatched back to reality 

"The Bayeux Tapestry, its significance in British History?"

"Oh, erm, erm, oh, It depicts William the Conquerors Invasion, 1066 Sir" ha, I sighed, "well done Ryan, try to stay with us."

The rest of the lesson went quite quickly, unfortunately it was PE next. 

"Right, mixed teams football, Mr Sheeran said, a clean game please"

We got on to the pitch and it was all going well until Marley tackled me and shoved me hard. I jumped up and began pushing him, "What ya do that for?" I challenged, "Cus you're a big girl", he replied, so I took a swing at him, just as Mr Sheeran grabbed me and pulled me off him. 

"Ryan, Red card, back to the changing room now!" 

"But" I started to speak; Mr Sheeran wasn't having any of it. 

"Changing room Ryan!"

"Fuck you" I retaliated. Needless to say I was then on my way to the 'thinking room'. I remained here until the lesson ended at lunchtime. Mr Sheeran came into me "Ryan, What on earth was all that about, you can't go round trying to assault other pupils, and as for your language!"

"I know Sir, I'm really sorry. He tackled me though and shoved me first Sir and I just lost it." Mr Sheeran listened to me and said, "Ryan, this has got to stop, understand?" I nodded "I know Sir, I know."

During lunch, Tyler found me and passed me the packed lunch.

Tyler -"You okay Ryan only I saw what happened on the pitch" 

I sighed, "I'm fine". 

"You don't sound fine". 

"Tyler, I'm fine now just back off!" I pushed passed him, dumping the sandwiches in the bin and wandered back to the LRC for some quiet space. For a moment, I'd forgotten what day it was, I glanced at my timetable; hmm, Geography and Maths awaited me this afternoon, I like both so maybe it'll be okay.

The afternoon passed without trauma, I got back to the dumping ground, and went straight to my room. I lay on my bed thinking how close I'd come to a detention, not that it bothers me, just they all get reported back to Mike and Lisa my social worker, then I get lectured. "Teatime gang" I hear Mike call, I didn't budge off my bed. I just know Tyler will have blabbed to Mike about football. A while later a knock came on the door "What?" I yelled, to my surprise Tyler opened the door. 

"Bought you your tea up mate. Look about earlier, I haven't said anything, but is everything okay?"

I sighed, "All Fine! Now just k..keep your mouth shut!." 

Tyler backed out of the door and I felt my hands shake and my chest tighten, oh god....a panic attack. I just lay on my bed trying to calm myself; it seemed to go on forever. Another knock came on my door later. 

"Ryan, it's me Mike, can I come in?" I managed to get to the door 

"What? what have I done now?" I sighed. Mike raised his eyebrow, 

"Ryan you've done nothing, I'm just making sure your okay I haven't seen you all day." He said in his usual fatherly tone. 

"I'm fine Mike, just tired." I sighed, 

"You're not sick are you?" Mike asked concerned. 

"No.....just, you know how it is Mike." 

"Well as long as you're sure?" Mike questioned. 

"I am." I said raising a smile. I set my alarm clock and tried to sleep. I tossed and turned all night. My alarm rudely announcing Wednesday morning had arrived.