A Storm In Mind

Chapter 3 - Past

Another night with minimal sleep I thought as I looked at the alarm clock for what seemed like the millionth time. 4.28am it read, exactly 32 minutes since I'd last looked at it. I tried to get some more sleep, but it was impossible. My heart was beating faster and that overwhelming feeling rushed over me. I tried to breathe, it seemed too much, I jolted myself into a sitting position but now I just felt dizzy too. I was woken by my alarm at 6.30am, must've passed out. I dragged myself out of bed, got washed and ready for school. I went downstairs and the kitchen was its usual hectic state. I grabbed my coat and bag and left the house. "Ryan" Mike called as he came after me. "Leave me alone Mike!" I called, "Ryan at least come and have some breakfast." I ignored his pleas and ran. I couldn't handle school today, I did think about bunking off, but I don't need any more hassle off Mike. I decided to go to registration then leave.

"Morning Ryan" Mrs Baggueley said as she completed the register, "yeah" I replied. As we left the class to go to lessons, Mrs Baggueley called to me "Ryan, don't forget....Lunchtime." she reminded,"Yeah" I nodded. As soon as I could I got through the school gates. I just wondered, not sure where I was going. I somehow found myself in the nearby cemetery, I wondered through looking at the various headstones and the inscriptions on them, names, ages, photos, flowers, everything which my own mum didn't have. He refused a headstone for mum, never put anything on the grave, I HATED HIM; I can't even remember where the grave is. A tear ran down my cheek as I thought of life before with mum and dad. It was 7 years since I last saw mum. I wondered farther still, consumed in my thoughts, I found myself in a beautiful garden with benches, arches and flowers. I sighed, it was so peaceful. I sat on the bench, unaware that tears were escaping my eyes. "You Okay" a voice spoke, I turned to see a man dressed in green with a wheelbarrow, "yeah" I whispered realising I was indeed crying. "What is this garden?" I asked. "It's a remembrance garden, people put flowers on the grass for their loved ones, if they're cremated." He said. "So do ya have to have someone in here?" I asked, "No, not at all" he replied, "oh, right, thanks." I looked down at my watch, as I'd lost all track of time, "oh crimes, it's almost lunchtime."

I ran back to school, as I got back to Mrs Baggueley's office, she approached me from behind. "ahh Ryan, had a good morning?" she asked. "Well, I've not got into any trouble yet Miss if that's what you mean," I replied sarcastically. Lunchtime went quickly, I managed to eat half a sandwich whilst I had to complete my periodic homework for Mr Warrilow and write an apology letter to Mr Sheeran.....and Marley! "See ya tomorrow Miss" I said as I left the office. "Be good Ryan" Miss Baggueley said encouragingly, "Can't promise Miss, but I'll try." I don't wake up in the morning thinking 'I'm gonna be a shit bag today'; it just happens.

I walked across to the Science lab, I managed to sit through Newton's Law and look interested, I think. Fortunately, it was textbook work, but each time I looked up I'd catch Mr Warrilow scowling at me. Not that I had the energy to tackle him, too busy in my thoughts, too busy for the likes of him to make a difference.

The afternoon went by in a daze, I went straight home, Mike's words were playing heavily on my mind. So before all the other kids got back, I went to the office. I knocked softly; "Come in" Mike called. "Ahh Ryan," he began, "Look Mike, I just wanna say I'm sorry" It was the first time in a long time I'd felt genuine remorse. "Apology accepted, thank you Ryan.....but.....you're still grounded." Mike said, "Yeah, I know"