A story based on the character Ryan Reeves from the Dumping Ground. Ryan has always been trouble, ever since he entered the dumping ground. What makes him so rebellious and yet so vulnerable? This story follows Ryan's own emotional journey, will he...
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Ryan's POV
I think the letter sounds okay, well, at least they sort of know what I want; if it makes any difference. I don't know how some shrink will make a decision; never even met me! Saying that, pretty much sums up being a care kid as well! I feel a bit better that it's written down, well at least I've got a voice, doubt it'll help though, but, I know I've tried.
Sister Meadows approached my room with some bloke. He was tall and stocky - I'd never seen him before.
"Ryan, love, this is Mr Kirby - he's a psychiatrist" she said. I started to panic again...oh yeah great..he'll definitely send me away if I'm a complete wreck, I thought to myself.
"Hi Ryan, good to meet you - forget Mr Kirby I'm Matt, am I okay to call you Ryan?" he began
"Erm....yeah." I answered surprised, he was totally not what I was expecting.
"Don't worry Ryan, I know my job title's, well, scary, but, I just want to have a chat. You're probably sick of talking by now, but, I'll be leading the meeting tomorrow with your head care worker and social worker, and I wanted to talk to you first. Is that okay" He continued.
My mouth dropped in shock, am I dreaming this? "erm, yea..yeah" I replied stuttering.
"Can you talk me through what's been happening recently Ryan?" he asked,
"How dya mean?" I asked,
"How long you've been feeling anxious and your flashbacks?" he asked.
"I dunno, I can't really say how long - it's just, it's just been slowly taking over, you know; I've always had nightmares, but they're just so real; like it's happening now; I'm there again! I thought they'd go in time, but they just seem to be getting worse - I feel like I'm losing my mind! I'm so tired, so, so tired, scared to sleep some nights; I tried with the light on, I thought, if I'd got the light on he can't come; but it didn't help - HE STILL COMES!!" I screamed out.
"Okay, and your mum Ryan - you told Chris about your mum, and wanting to 'feel safe with mum again', can you explain what you meant?" He asked.
I paused, "When I see Mum, I feel safe - like he can't harm me, but, I keep seeing mum, making me feel safe; loved, then HIM, and I'm frightened and on my own again. I can't stop it; I'm not in control. I'm frightened; I'm frightened of my own mind! I know mums not like really here - but he is so real, I want to have some peace; I WANT HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed out.
"I know Ryan - and in time HE will" Matt said reassuringly."Ryan, you know why you came into hospital?" He continued,
"Yeah, cuz I wanted to be with mum." I said almost whispering.
"What did you want to happen Ryan? - Did you want to die?"
Wow, It hit hard. "I don't know; I didn't really think; I was just so desperate. Everything's such a mess; I'm suspended from school; I'm exhausted; I can't think straight - everything I touch goes wrong. You know when you just want someone to say 'it's ok; everything's ok'....I know it's not, but I just couldn't face anyone. I'd made such a fool out of myself at the meeting with my Headmaster, cuz I couldn't cope with it all, now some of the kids know at home; I don't want to be different - I don't want to be like this! Then Mum's card was ruined with all the rain; that was it; I just couldn't take anymore!" I said defeated.
