Nepeta's Ship

How Have I Been?

Jade's p.o.v.
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-trigger warnings I guess. Kankri I think you might wanna sit this chapter out-

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At least Apple Music's songs are free for download now. So I listen to some music. I guess.. It's just as simple as that now. Me, sitting on the crew deck, overlooking the yellow yard. Bright green and red lights are flashing around the ship. Cycling and turning. Pulsating with every minute we pass through it.

I guess this is were we are now. All the levels on Ghost Busters are reached, and the controllers have gone dry and caked with dust. John is out in his planet doing God knows what. Probably things that are more adventurous than what I am doing.

All I am doing, is sitting here next to a salamander, my thumb flipping through so many happy songs. I can't piece it together. I can't piece anything together. The song's music jumps back and forth with a continuous rhythm, the guitar waiting to do it's solo, waiting to make something better but the opportunity never comes.

I've tried the bow thrusters, I finally found the engine diagram sheets and sped up the propellers. I walked countless fights of stairs and reached the dusty engine room.  I checked the fuel rail and the passage was clogged. Nothing could make this ship go faster. Nothing.

Even if I did make it go faster, it would probably mess up the timeline, wouldn't it? Exactly three years is what we were given, and that is how long we have to wait. But I hate waiting.

So I turned off the ship's shitty engine, kept the rudder and stabilizer fin at a steady angle, and watched the colors go by, our speed not effected.

When that happened, something dropped inside of me. For the past two years, in my small mind, I tried to expand my knowledge about Transport and Marine Machinery. Searching through countless clogged drawers of files about crew mates and their jobs, and payed close attention to their tasks in the Engine Room. I have learned half of the control panel, and searched through parts of the engine that could speed up the pace.

But every time an attempt failed, I would look back out. I would look at the passing bright colors, I would stare down at the yellow yard. Jade, we are going at the speed of light. How would a ship's engine make a difference?

So I have given up. The violins are taking their turn now. The guitarist is going to wait another day for his solo. I threw the manual over the ledge, and I walked back inside the ship.

Now my body is weak, and I am tired and lonely. I feel so terrible, and pathetic. My insides feel burned. They feel like they have been set on fire, and thrown off of the boat. But my exoskeleton is sitting on the ledge, looking down at the yellow yard.

Im looking down at the yellow yard.

I grip onto the railing tight. I swing my legs over, and stand on the thin surface. Im looking down at the yellow yard. What if I fell down and stood on the yellow yard? My legs crumbling under me. I would have the ability to fly up, and wake up from this dream. But I would avoid those opportunities.. Yeah? How would that be?

Either way, I would be behind. I would wake up and my immortality would continue to burn brightly. And I will be back where I first started.

My hands clutch the railing and I look at the zooming lights. What do I do? Where do I go? How do I speed this up? How do I end the fights with John, how do I stop the dead silence and soft ballets? My red shoes are swinging back and fourth, teasing the ledge. Nothing good can come of it.

"Jade." Davesprite's voice booms behind me. I don't turn around. "Jade.. What are you doing."

I shake my head. "I'm just... Looking around."

"Outside of the ship's railing, huh?" Davesprite floats next to me and rests his elbows on the railing and looks over at me. "How about you do sight-seeing on the inside of it?"

"Davesprite, this isn't your pl-"

"Place. Yes, I know." Davesprite's voice is bitter. "It's never my place to justify you and John's decisions. But at least let me help, ok? If you are going to jump, you know I am going to go after you and catch you, only for us both to be stuck in dead space as the ship continues it's course."

Tears form in my eyes and I sniffle. "You know, you remind me of Dave. Alpha Dave, I mean." I smile. "Remember when me and him were looking for frogs? It was so much fun."

"Yes, I remember that." Davesprite chuckles. "Those were fun times. Hey, do you want to go to one of your fancy pocket planets and look for salamanders?"

"Davesprite, we already know where they are."

"Buuttt" he pokes my arm. "We can play hide and seek with those little shits. What do you say?"

I look down at the yellow yard and breathe heavily. I look back at Davesprite and he smiles at me and holds out his hand.

"Jade.. Come on. We need you the most. If you get lost, it will be sucky for you and us." I grab his hand tightly and he looks at me. "Just a few more months?"

I swing my legs over the railing and hug him. "A few more months." I laugh into his feathery shoulder. We grip eachother tightly and smile.

A few more months.