it's been four days since the incident happened. i can't even think straight over things because of it. it means something right? maybe i need help? maybe i should call up my psychiatrist?
no, idiot haesoo. you are capable of handling this on your own.
ugh, what the heck am i even saying? i face-planted my face onto the table in front of me before my mother came into the kitchen.
"whoa there. don't start messing up your face now," my mother said. i didn't pick my head up. i can't bring myself to look at anyone.
"are you okay?" i heard her ask this time. "yes... perfectly fine..."
no, you're not. you got kissed by a guy two years younger than you and nobody else knows but you two.
"you don't sound fine. sounds like something's bothering you."
"you know me so well," i sarcastically say. "well... you are my daughter after all," she then said. that's when i picked my head only earning a small laugh from my mother. "look. now you have a red mark on your forehead."
i puffed my bottom lip out just slightly. "mother? how would you describe your first kiss?"
"my first kiss?" she asked. i gave a nod of my head. "well, it was sloppy, i'll tell you that."
i made a disgusted face.
"but it was cute how it happened. the guy was so nervous at the time... and so was i. your first kiss to be something special, or so i heard."
"how do you know if it's suppose to be special?"
"if it's with a special person."
"what if they aren't special?"
my mother opened her mouth but i sensed hesitance from her. "well, i guess the kiss.. isn't special then? i'm sorry, why are you asking these questions all of a sudden?" she asked.
"it's no reason. w-why wouldn't i be asking these questions? you were the one who tells me i should get into dating... i thought kisses are also part of it," i softly said.
"kisses are also part of it... but that's not the point of dating. it's time you spend with your partner," she said as she decided to take a seat at the table with me. "haesoo, are you sure you're okay?"
i suddenly turned pale as i nodded my head.
"splendid," i weakly reply.
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philophobia | j.hoseok
Fanfictionphilophobia (noun): the fear of falling in love or emotional attachment. everyone is afraid of something. and for haesoo, it was love. love can be an amazing feeling once you find the right person, but it can be the most painful feeling as well. hae...
