#41 in Spiritual 2/3/17.
Religion. It's a big part of you. Some would say that religion is basically who you are.
All her life Amira has been told who she is. What she is.
A Muslim girl.
But the more she learns about her religion the more she r...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
🌸🌸🌸
We reach the hotel slightly later than everyone else does and I'm secretly glad because that way I get to go straight up to my designated room and get some sleep. Me and Seid had talked and talked all through the rest of the drive up here so I didn't get any sleep, we talked a little about Arden and he told me how he's put it all behind him because they were kids but he still feels the guilt creep up on him when he least expects it to and I try my best to convince him that it was not his fault but I don't think he really thinks otherwise just because I practically begged him to not blame himself.
Then we moved on to much lighter topics, not arguing or fighting once which felt really good for a change but now I'm exhausted and can't wait to take a nap before the rehearsal dinner which is basically just gonna be a quick run down of who's gonna do what tomorrow at the wedding.
Me and Seid part ways in the lobby and I go up to my hotel room which is hands down the nicest, coziest little room I've ever been in. The bedspread is white and there's a basket of chocolate on the oval table in the middle of the room. I even have my very own balcony with the view of the lake and the lake house set for the wedding ceremony. I can already see people bringing in chairs and flower decor being put up. I take a deep breath and imagine what my wedding would look like.
Nothing like this probably.
Instead of fifty people I care deeply about there will be thousands that I don't even know. Instead of the white flower decor there will be roses which I hate but my mother loves. Instead of being held in a lake house far away from the city it'll be in a hall in the middle of the city. And instead of a man that I love, I'll have a man I don't know anything about waiting to marry me.
Khadija is easily the most religious person I know, and she's marrying the man she loves. On her own terms. Surely it won't be a great sin if I did that too?
But then why. Why does it feel wrong to think these things? Why has it been so deeply ingrained into my brain that it's wrong to live life on my own terms? Why does the want to fall in love bring on feelings of guilt? Have I been lied to? Would marrying someone only if I like them be so bad?
My knuckles have turned white from holding on to the balcony railing so tight. I need answers, right now. If Allah didn't want us to fall in love of our own free will then why do we? Why is love a celebrated thing in the Quran if it's shunned? It doesn't make sense. The way I've been raised as a 'muslim' contradicts what I now understand about Islam.
Without thinking twice I leave my hotel room to find Seid's. It's only when I'm in the elevator that I realize that I can't exactly find him by going downstairs to the lobby and asking the receptionist his room number, they surely have security measures to prevent stalkers from showing up on guest's doors.
