Kill Our Way to Heaven (Jikook) ✔

Chapter 37

It's the chapter you've all been waiting for jikookies.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 37
"ᴀ ꜱɪɴɴᴇʀ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛ"

A cold breeze nipped at his skin. Even his thick coat wasn't enough to protect him now that night had fallen and the sun wasn't there to protect him anymore. Jungkook was up high on his apartment building, looking out over the city, watching the specks of light covering the horizon. Air entered his lungs with force. For a second it burned with the short gasps he was taking, but it cleared his mind nonetheless, the sting almost peaceful.

He felt tears brim in his eyes but didn't care to let them fall. Jungkook didn't know why he was holding back. He was all alone, on the roof of his apartment building, his only companion being an empty beer bottle. There was no one to hide his emotions from, to pretend to be strong towards, except for himself. Maybe that was why he held back, because if he let one tear roll down he was sure so would a second and a third. Slowly he would start to crumble under the pressure that had been building up and he couldn't afford to lose it like that. So until he could no longer run, he just smoothed out his cracks and pretended not to stumble, even to himself.

Granted, he wasn't alone for long. Jimin only gave him a few moments of solitude before following the human up to the roof. He just stood in the doorway for a few moments, silently observing the younger. Jungkook could hardly tell he was there, but he could still feel the discomfort from having someone stare him down. 

"How was Taehyung?" the younger asked after taking a deep breath in. Jimin stayed where he stood, hidden from the human's sight. 

A battle was being fought in his mind. On one side he needed to be honest. He couldn't keep this from him. At first, he had opted to tell him right away. But from the second he had come home Jungkook had been on the brink of a full-blown panic attack. Even now, he wasn't completely calm. His breaths were still shaky, as was his voice. The lump in his throat was visible with each word that he spoke. It was obvious to Jimin that the human was holding back and he didn't want to be the last straw.

"I'll tell you later, just focus on breathing now," the angel said. Jungkook just gulped, pulling his knees closer to his chest.

"Did something bad happen? Is he alright?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at the angel. His eyes were filled with desperation and worry. The elder could feel his heart break at the sight. Jimin knew how much the truth about Taehyung would break Jungkook. Everything he had loved for these last few months had turned out to be a lie, just a ruse to get closer to him. Jimin cursed the guilt creeping up in his heart before shaking his head.

"He's fine," the angel lied through his teeth. Jungkook surely didn't believe him, but as long as Jimin spoke those words he could hang on to those false beliefs.

"What about you?" the human asked, having his voice crack in the middle. Jimin raised an eyebrow in question.

"About me?" he asked. Jungkook just nodded, scooching over a bit and patting the concrete next to him. He eyed Jimin intently as the angel walked forward and sat down next to him. His darker wings folded into his back, the grime on the floor dirtying the angel's white clothes. Even his halo seemed dim in the moonlight.

"You said you would let go of whatever was bothering you, but you're getting worse," Jungkook said in a voice hardly louder than a whisper. His face was resting on his knees, his slightly trembling hands still clasped together around his legs. At least that way he couldn't see the confliction on Jimin's face.

"I guess it's not that simple," the angel confessed. It was as if the weight pressing on his chest had suddenly grown in size. He wasn't sure why talking to Jungkook about this felt so troubling. He assumed it was because he was supposed to protect the human, not hang on to him like he was his lifeline. Yet there was something other than dignity knawing at his sanity.

"What's happening to you?" Jungkook carefully asked. He knew that the last time he asked that, Jimin didn't want to answer him. He just hoped that times had changed.

And so Jimin spoke up. "I just started caring too much, feeling too much," the angel confessed after a deep breath. The weight was now pressing down on his airpipe now as well. 

"And you're not supposed to?" Jungkook asked. Jimin just shook his head.

"We aren't supposed to feel anything except love and loyalty for God, maybe bravery and altruism," the angel said. Jungkook just stayed quiet, giving him time to collect his thoughts and speak. "But I feel so much more. I-I feel anger, and fear and sadness and... and... care..." he stammered, looking at the human almost as if looking for confirmation. The younger just stared back at him, almost as if he was deciphering his words.

"I've never felt that before," Jimin said. Jungkook just blinked. The angel didn't know whether he realised the implications behind those words, he wasn't even sure whether he wanted him to.

"Ever?" the human asked, quietly.

"Ever." the angel answered, even quieter.

Even with the dark sky surrounding them Jimin still shone brightly. His wings might have turned grey and his aura might've numbed, but Jungkook still saw him as an angel regardless. Maybe even more now. He almost felt human. After all those months with him, Jungkook finally knew that the only reason he wanted to be around him at that moment was not that his angel aura calmed him, but that Jimin calmed him. Jimin with his blinding smile, soft voice and even softer touches, the one who he could reside in no matter what. 

Jungkook wasn't sure why he did it. It just felt right at that moment. One second he was staring into the dark brown pits of Jimin's eyes seeing the fear and desperation in them and feeling it reside within him as well. The second he was leaning closer. He saw the angel close his eyes slowly, them now being so close that Jungkook could feel Jimin's breath on his skin.

Their lips brushed together ever so slightly and the human let his eyes fall shut as well. At first, their kiss was hesitant, the pressure was barely there, it was just them breathing each other in. Slowly, they melted into each other. Their bodies moulded into each other. Jungkook breathed in, tasting Jimin even more, losing himself in the feeling of their lips move together in tandem. 

It was only when he let his lips leave the elder that he realised what he had done. Everything slowed down for just a moment as guilt settled in. He was greeted by a tear rolling down Jimin's cheek. He had never seen the angel cry. Not even when he was at the edge of death did he cry. Jungkook was at a loss for words and panicking. Not only had he kissed his best friend, but he also had cheated on his boyfriend without a second thought. Looking at Jimin was enough to make his heart shatter.

Meanwhile, Jimin felt a strong sense of warmth spread in his chest. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before. His love for God felt like pride and loyalty, but this was different. This was kind and caring, yet full of worry and grief. He felt it spread through his body like wildfire until he could hardly contain it anymore. It completely numbed him, making his fingers and lips tingle. His worst fear had become a reality. After months of denying it, there was nothing else he could do to run from it. 

The feeling that had been clogging up his throat, making his heart beat loudly inside his chest and made his mind run wild with guilt, worry and grief, it was love. He felt love. He loved Jungkook. He loved a human. He loved him and it was slowly killing him. The demons had been right all along.

A sad smile found its way to Jimin's lips. Even though he could feel himself break apart, he accepted it. There was a serenity in the way his body seemed to get more numb by the second. After avoiding it for so long, he had finally reached his answers.

Jungkook just looked at him for any signs, still breathing heavily at the thought of what he had just done. 

"I have to go," the angel simply said. It was time he had to face himself and take responsibility, even if that meant it would be the last thing he'd do. It was time to do what he was born to do; be altruistic.

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First actual on-screen kiss scene I've ever written, let's go!