denial » pyrocynical

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a/n: hey y'all just a friendly reminder that i love corbyn besson and daniel seavey, and zach herron, and jonah marais, and jack avery. alright, carry on (also yes i know that wasn't proper grammar shhh)

anywho, i'm trying something new in this chapter !!! idk if i'll keep in consistently, but i'm trying it out. the song lyrics is what i'm attempting. let me know if you guys like it!!

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feeling used, but i'm still missing you

Music blasted through my earbuds, I tossed and turned, I couldn't sleep, per usual. I never slept anymore, I just could never fall asleep.

My phone buzzed and I rolled over to see a text from a random number.

"hey faggot, i can't sleep and i forgot to text you earlier"

I rolled my eyes, I already knew it was Niall. Who else could it have been?

and i can't, see the end of this, just wanna feel your kiss against my lips

I quickly sent back a text, trying to initiate that I was awake.

"Oh hey asshole, me too."

I sat up in my bed, readjusting my position to be a bit more comfortable.

now all this time, is passing by, and i still can't seem to tell you why it hurts me every time i see you

The typing bubbles came up in our conversation, in which I quickly closed out of it, I didn't want him to think I wanted to talk to him.

"Holy shit! We have something in common, besides the fact we're both inconsiderate cunts."

I never fail to roll my eyes constantly when having a conversation with Niall. He got annoying at times. Then again, everything he says tends to piss me off.

i realize how much i need you

How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? Another sarcastic remark? He's honestly so fucking confusing.

"Hey! I'm not a cunt, just an asshole trying to make her way through life without starving to death."

Why the hell did the typing bubble always come up so quickly? Is he really that lonely?

"Well working at starbucks doesn't really support that claim"

He wasn't wrong, I mean- I really do need to get a real job, Starbucks only helps so much.

i hate you

"i guess you're right, but still- i'm trying my best"

i love you

The typing bubbles, once again, came up almost right away.

i hate that i love you

"Well, I know we aren't very good friends yet, and i'm convinced you still hate me, which you probably do, but i'm here if you ever need help financially"

Did he really think I was that poor? Seriously? I know his intentions are well, but that's flat out rude.

don't want to but i can't put nobody else above you

"What makes you think I need your help?"

Too harsh?

i hate you

"It's just an offer"

i love you

"You make me sound like I'm broke and living on the streets"

i hate that i want you, you want her, you need her

"Sorry"

and i'll never be her

"I'm sure- you're never sorry."

I tore my earbuds out, I hate listening to sappy love songs, but I was too distracted to change it. They suck especially when I can't even talk to a guy without having a mental breakdown. They always remind me of how I'm going to die alone- which is definitely fun to think about.

"No, I am. I didn't mean to offend you"

Honestly, I knew he meant well, I was just messing with him.

"Jkjk i knew you meant well, don't sweat it buddio"

"buddio?"

"buddio."

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a/n: was this chapter too confusing? if it was, i can delete it and rewrite it. just let me know !!!

-mars