Hopeless Romantic -- Brallon

{14}

DJW

I fiddle with my bass at first, playing a scale, then a part of a song I knew. It sounded good so far, even though I'm a little rusty from practicing. I can feel Brendon's eyes staring at me with awe. I smile at him briefly and then put my focus back on the song I was playing.

I was surprised at how good I sounded after not playing for a while. Maybe Ryan S. and I can actually start a band.

I finish playing and right when I'm about to look up, Brendon's lips are suddenly on mine.

Brendon's lips are suddenly on mine.

I gasp and push him away. Why would he do that? I start to hyperventilate because the room is getting smaller and closing in around me. My vision starts to get spotty and dark. I try to take deep breaths, but nothing is working.

"Dallon! I'm sorry! I thought...." I look up to see a worried and regretful Brendon. Right before I pass out.

~~Time skip! Poor Dally. Actually, poor Brendon.~~

As I come to, I hear mumbling and steps. I realize I'm laying in my bed and my bass is on its stand again. I look to the side of my room to see Brendon pacing back and forth, pulling on his hair, and mumbling a rant to himself with wide eyes.

He notices me and his eyes widen even more, if that's possible. "Dallon!! You're awake! I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, and you looked even more prettier than you usually do, and my head hurts, and it was in the heat of the moment, and I didn't know what to do, and you probably hate me now, so does everyone else, and-"

He ends in sobs.

I felt sympathetic, but also upset. He knew that was my first kiss. I thought he understood I wanted to save it for now? He didn't even ask!! I'm not even sure I really have feelings for him. Yet.

"Brendon..." I sigh. "C-can you... Can you just leave?"

He freezes up and runs out the door, practically bawling his eyes out. I take a sharp inhale as I hear his wails fade out. I turn to my window and see Brendon running across the street to his house. He knocks on the door until his mom opens it, but Brendon pushes past her.

Oh god. What have I done?

Do I even like Brendon romantically? Does he think I do? My thoughts get muddled together and I end up crying. I hate this. All my emotions just add up to one big anxiety attack. Tears pour out of my eyes as I sniffle and look out my bedroom window. I see Brendon through the glass. He looks up and sees me looking at him. We're both crying.

I slightly wave through the window, only to have Brendon close his curtains, blocking my view.

I sigh and wipe my tears. Why did I have to get so freaked out? All he did was... kiss me.

The idea begins to haunt my mind. Brendon kissed me. Will he tell anybody? Will I tell anybody? My cumbersome thoughts are interrupted by the door bursting open.

"DALLON JAMES WEEKES! APOLOGIZE TO BRENDON RIGHT NOW!" My mom yells, pointing at my bedroom door. I guess she was home? At the worst possible time, too. 

I look at the clock. It's getting late and I just want to cry myself to sleep in peace. Maybe I'll skip school tomorrow. I look back to mom, who has a stern face. "It's almost eight, c-can't I just go to bed early?" I ask. "And you don't know if it's my fault! I'm crying too!" I wipe my tear-filled eyes.

Mom calms down and sits next to me on my bed. "Dal, honey, Grace called me to ask what happened. I don't know, but all I saw was Brendon run out sobbing uncontrollably. I assumed you did something? I know you're crying too, but that boy was a mess when I saw him."

I wince at the last few sentences she says. "He kissed me, and I don't know if... if I feel the same way just yet. I told him t-to leave and instantly regretted it because we were just b-both crying after that." I answer.

She nods and pats my back. "I understand you don't want to rush things, but you should still apologize. To each other." 

Suddenly, I feel like throwing up. "I-I'm feeling kind of sick... Can I stay home tomorrow?" I say. Are my nerves really that bad? My anxiety hasn't spiked like this in forever. I have terrible anxiety, but it died down these past years. I've been so much better! My nerves were so bad that I actually felt sick sometimes. I guess I'm back to square one. 

Mom shakes her head. "You already skipped school a few days ago! You're just saying that so you won't have to face Brendon."

I wish I was lying, but I really do feel nauseous right now. The thought of dealing with all this drama sends me overboard. I grab the nearest trashcan and puke. Great. Tears and barf. 

She gasps. "Oh, honey... Okay, I guess you can stay home tomorrow. Get some rest and stop stressing so much.  I do expect an apology to Brendon, though."

"S-sure." I reply. Mom leaves my room and I find myself alone again.

~
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Waving Through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen
C'mon -Panic! At The Disco
Everybody's Watching Me -The Neighbourhood

♡
Happy birthday to Ryan Ross! Be careful though. In this book, he's about to get REAL douchey.