Imaginary light (a Josh Ramsay fan fiction) -Done with this part of chapters-

Grieving

A week since Matt passed away

I finally got discharged from the hospital a couple day later as my levels went back to normal. But I think they kicked me out because of the constant nightmares since that day. I would have a dream of him dying and Amy would wake me up because I was screaming. It just feels like a giant hole has been punched through my chest and ripped out my heart. The vertigo is gone at least that's one good thing. 

"Hey Josh I have an ultrasound today you want to come?"

"Uh yeah sure..."

"Josh sweetie I know this has been hard for you since that day...but I need you to at least be happy about this baby."

"You think that I'm not happy about my own child because my best friend died? This is the only thing that makes me get up in the mornings since then...I'm gonna go get dressed." 

I got up and put on a tee and some jeans not really giving two fucks and some shoes after I put on the fake leg. Then I looked in the mirror and at the bandage on my forearm from when we were backstage a week ago just to keep me alive and I just remembered Matt smiling knowing that my life is finally getting back together. But now he's gone....nothing is the same. I went downstairs to wait for Amy to finish doing her makeup as I sat down as I was told that I needed to take it easy for the next couple weeks. I just sat there thinking about everything and then Amy came down.

"You ready to go? I can drive its okay...I'm sorry for what I said I know you're happy for this baby but I'm worried about you...look you need some anti depressants. This isn't like you Josh you haven't eaten for over a week since you were sick."

"I can try anti depressants again its just that I sat here thinking about all the happy times that we've had and I didn't realize how much I miss him..."

"I know...now come on maybe this little jelly bean will make you feel better."

I got up and wiped my tears away walking to the car and locking the door letting Amy go in the car first. When we got in the car I put on my belt and then I tweeted from his account on twitter. Since Mary his wife gave me permission to tell the fans when I was ready. I wasn't ready before but now I am. Hey guys this is me Josh tweeting from Matt's account I have some bad news. Matt suddenly died a week ago from a car crash. From us and the rest of the guys will still continue to make music in honor of Matt but man I will miss him and we will do that show that I was sick for just to make it up to you guys. I hope you still support us down the road into the future. We love you trenchers. 

Then I posted the longer tweet using the app and I saw all the nice and sincere responses and it made me tear up a little as I logged out of his account sliding back into my seat.

"You feeling alright?"

"Yeah I just tweeted to the fans about what happened...I'll be alright."

Once we got to the ultrasound place they took us in right away.

"So Amy this is your husband Josh right?"

"Yes this is Josh he was on tour for a tiny bit."

"Alright everything off from the waist down and a cloth for you. I'll be back in a couple minuets."

"Thank you."

I helped Amy take off her jeans and underwear and I just smiled seeing the tiny little bump. 

"Oh yeah there's a tiny bump now. Anyways she's going to explain if the baby does get your hell of a disease."

"Yeah since its genetic but we will be careful I promise everything will be fine."