Daily Malec Fix (Wattys 2017)

20.Facing Fears

Answer: I sure as hell would love to have that happen and I'll definitely be writing it all!

"Alec?" Magnus shook Alec's arm. He hadn't so much as flinched for the last two hours. Magnus and Dyson had kept up a conversation and Dyson even told him that people reacted like that sometimes but it was killing him.

"Alec," Magnus shook his shoulder again then saw the light come back to his blue eyes. Magnus reached up with a tissue and wiped away the stray tears on Alec's face.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked him.

"Why did it have to happen?" Alec asked and again, Magnus had no answer except that life was fucked up. Magnus just hugged him careful to not get in the way of Dyson's work.

"Hey, Alec," Dyson set down the tattoo gun.

"Yeah?" Alec looked over at him.

"Why doesn't matter." Dyson held up Alec's arm so he could see the work. It wasn't complete yet but he knew Alec needed to see the scars for once, or else he'd always see them in his mind as worse then they actually were. There was no way to beat fear without facing it first.

"I don't want to see." Alec turned away from him.

"Kid, you need to look." Dyson held his right hand up and felt the shaking as he gave it a gentle squeeze. "These scars only have power over you if you let them."

"Why?" Alec asked again.

"Like I said, why doesn't matter; all that matters is how." Dyson said as Alec slowly turned to look at him.

"How," Dyson continued as Alec saw his arm, "long will you let them control your life. How long you're going to let these scars keep you from seeing the beauty?"

Alec couldn't talk, he couldn't even breathe. He could still make out the word they had carved into his arm but somehow it didn't make him want to cut the limb off anymore. It still made him sick to his stomach, but he wasn't horrified. He reached out and touched the edge of the F that was already getting covered by the thick black lines.

Magnus sat back crying quietly as he watched Alec in wonder. He was amazed at his strength and in awe of just how much Alec had survived. Sure, Magnus had to deal with his mom's sickness and the pain of losing Alec, but Alec had not only lost Magnus; he had lost himself too.

Magnus had Clary to turn to and help him, but Alec had been completely alone. Magnus choked on a sob. How could he have been so selfish and egotistical to think that Alec hated him? He hated himself just a bit for being so fucking stupid. Alec hadn't pushed him away because he hated Magnus or what he had done.

Alec had done the only thing he could do; he had survived. Magnus shook as he continued to cry unnoticed by Alec who was still staring at the black ink that covered his arm. It hurt, but not as bad as the scars had. It helped that some of the cuts had been deep enough to cause some nerve damage.

"Are you ready to continue or do you need a break?" Dyson asked after giving the boy another minute to soak it in. He handed Magnus a tissue and gave his hand a squeeze. "He's going to be okay." He told him and smiled. This was by far his most memorable experience and yet he knew that he'd never tell a single person about it. It was too intimate. Dyson was just thankful that he could witness it.

"I'm ready." Alec said after a sigh and was careful to not look at his other arm that was still only scars.

"Alright, I'm going to start adding color." Dyson switched tips and went back to work. Alec glanced at Magnus and noticed for the first time that he was sobbing.

"Mags?" Alec touched his cheek with his right hand. "It's okay. I'm fine with him adding some color."

"What?" Magnus choked out.

"I appreciate that you're so supportive that you're crying on my behalf because he's adding color, but I'm okay with it." Alec broke a smile.

"You're an ass." Magnus smiled through the tears.

"Feel better?" Alec asked and chuckled.

"A tiny bit." Magnus wiped his eyes dry. "Oh, I got you a chocolate milk."

"A chocolate milk?" Alec cocked an eye brow at him. "Am I five?"

"Sometimes you act like you are." Magnus shrugged.

"I'll take it but only because I love chocolate milk." Alec stuck his nose up in the air.

"Hence the reason why I got it." Magnus smiled and opened it for him.

"Thanks." Alec held out his hand for it.

"Drink up." Magnus smiled and set it in his hand that went limp.

Alec dropped the drink and Magnus barely caught before it spilled. Alec blinked hard. "Sorry. I'm actually not thirsty."

"Alec, you should drink something." Magnus gave him a worried look and Alec closed his eyes as he remembered more of that night.

A/N Who else feels completely and utterly emotionally drained? Like why did I do this to us? I'm so sorry for the tears and emotions and all of those freaking updates! I mean damn! If I had known I would have set a limit. I was seriously only thinking that we'd do like two maybe, maybe 3. You are all amazing and so supportive, now give me about a week to respond to your comments and know that I won't be responding to every single one but I'll read them all for sure. And I'll post two or three chapters tomorrow with goals to hit like today, but I will also be at work so if we hit the goal before lunch or break it might take me a little longer. 

I love you all and feel like we all went through like a group therapy together haha! I seriously think that I'm going to finish this book up on my computer and try to get it published. As in I'm going to keep writing for a couple more hours tonight. 

Question: Who else needs to watch some happy Malec moments right now to forget about this drama? Or maybe sleep? Yes, sleep is good.