Daily Malec Fix (Wattys 2017)

2. To Heal a Broken Heart

Thank you so much for getting this to 100K reads! That's incredible! As a thank you I'll give you a little warning about this one: have tissues at the ready... 

Alec pulled Magnus closer to him and felt sick to his stomach as he tried to console his boyfriend. Magnus was always so tough and nonchalant. This was a side of Magnus that he had never seen and he had no idea what to do. 

How could he explain to his warlock that he had wanted to believe him and if he had switched with anyone else he would have known right away. He had made a mistake that almost cost the life of the one he loved. It reminded him of the moment he awoke after the demon had used him to kill Jocelyn. He hated himself and yet that wasn't the worst thing he was feeling in that moment; he could feel the rejection and pain that Magnus was feeling.

"Magnus, I don't know what to say. Please be okay." Alec whispered against Magnus's hair and kissed him there. 

Magnus pulled away not caring that his makeup was smeared. He looked right into those sorrow filled, blue eyes that used to only bring him joy. But, now he just saw the look of when he was strapping him to the execution chair. "If Jace hadn't appeared with Valentine's message would I be dead right now?"

"What?" Alec asked even though he had heard him clearly.

"I need to know the answer." Magnus pressed him.

Alec couldn't breathe. He wished with all of his heart that he could go back to that day and believe Magnus but that was impossible. He had made his choice and now he had to live with it.

"I don't know." Alec said in barely a whisper. "I wanted to believe you, but..."

"But what?" Magnus asked without taking a breath.

"But, no one else did and Valentine is a master a deception. I want to believe that I would have stopped and I was about to delay her until I could go see you just so I could know for sure. That was when Jace showed up though." 

"Are you just saying that so I'll forgive you?"

"No, I really was going to stop her. There was no way that I could actually kill him without being positive that it was him. Still, I should have known. I'm so sorry. I understand if you want me to leave." Alec turned away from Magnus and took a step towards the door.

"Don't leave." Magnus hissed. 

"Are you sure?" Alec asked without looking at him.

"Can you lay down with me?" Magnus asked in a voice that was so much weaker than his own. "I don't want to be alone."

"Yes." Alec reached for Magnus's hand but hesitated. Instead, he just followed him to his bed and waited for him to lie down. Alec pulled back the covers and Magnus sank into the comfy mattress. Any other moment Alec would have noted how beautiful he looked with his messy hair on the silk sheets but all he could see was the pain in Magnus's eyes and the weakness in his frame. He wondered if Magnus would ever be the same warlock he had fallen in love with or if he'd need to accept this broken version of his boyfriend.

"Alexander?" Magnus murmured sleepily and blinked up at him. "We'll be okay, right?"

"Of course." Alec got into the bed and pulled the covers over them. Magnus wanted to snuggle up to him but he had been so violated by Valentine that he couldn't remember how to be close to someone without feeling nauseous. 

"I just need some time." Magnus admitted. 

"Take all the time that you need. I'll be here." Alec rolled onto his side so he could look at Magnus.

They were both silent for a long time. It felt like an entire lifetime to Alec while for Magnus it felt like the blink of an eye. Magnus took a deep breath then he finally said what he had wanted to say since it all happened.

"You want to know the worst part?" Magnus asked.

"Yes." Alec said even as he screamed no in his head.

"It was that he used my magic; I was hated because of it, even I hated it. It took a long time for me to accept that part of me and now it's like I have to do it all over again. He tainted the part of me that is the most intimate. He raped that part of me that has always been my own. I have never shared that with anyone and now my enemy has tasted it." Magnus said in a faraway voice. He heard himself talk as if it were someone else.

Alec couldn't hold back the tears. How was he supposed to heal that? Could he ever? Magnus needed someone who wasn't hurting themselves. He deserved someone who would fix him and never betray him. Alec could have stopped that before it happened but he didn't recognize his own boyfriend.

"It feels dirty when I use it now." Magnus added. "Will it ever feel pure again?"

"Yes. I promise you, Magnus. We'll get through this. You're the strongest person I know. I'm not sure how long it will take, but one day you'll feel like yourself again and until that day you can have all of my strength." Alec said and then he hugged Magnus tightly against him, only after holding his arms out and receiving a  slight nod from Magnus.

"What if it takes years?" Magnus asked.

"It doesn't change anything. I'll be here." Alec promised and he felt his heart start to sitch back together. 

"What if I never become myself again?" Magnus asked.

"Good thing I don't like you conditionally. Love is unconditional and neverending, even if you stop wearing glitter I'll still love you."

Magnus let out a weak laugh. "I'll never get rid of my glitter."

"Damn it." Alec laughed. "Guess I'll just have to get used to glitter being everywhere."

"I love you." Magnus said in a clear voice and kissed Alec on the lips. 

"I love you, too." Alec kissed his forehead. "Now get some sleep. And if you start having that nightmare again open your eyes and I'll be here."

"Do you promise?"

"With all of my heart." 

Magnus snuggled in closer to his boyfriend and closed his eyes. And for the first time since the body switch, he wasn't afraid that he'd open them to be back in Valentine's body. He felt safe once again and finally felt sleep coming. He was going to be okay.

A/N Hope this wasn't too dark and serious but it needed to be to handle such an intense subject. I really hope I did it justice and thank you so much for the love, reads, votes, and comments. And tomorrow's will definitely be a happy one. And don't forget to enter the Prank War Contest! 

Love you all!