Bungou Stray Dogs x Reader One Shots

Chuuya x Reader | Heard it?

This is smth very weird to me and it was random. I wanted to try this idea, but it turned out bad :/ sorry

Warning: triggering content, depression, strong language, suicide mentions

~~~

"(Y/N), life isn't as bad you think. Trust me."

"How can you say it? I thought, that a Port Mafia executive have seen the worst things in life."

"Yeah, but I've also seen good things. I've even experienced some of them. Humanity has a good side too."

"Give me an example."

"I've seen how one couple were protecting each other with any possible way. They loved each other so much so that, they both were even ready to sacrifice themselves to keep the other safe. Their love was really strong and it gives me hope, that people can still love someone so desperately."

"Kaji through a bomb at them, while you were hesitating and they both died."

"You shouldn't be so negative."

"Chuuya, I know, that you're not being honest. You doesn't even sound like yourself. If you're trying to cheer me up, even though it's impossible, please, be honest."

"Tch. I'm honest."

"(Y/N), please, believe me. What you're saying is depressing."

"So what? What if it is depressing? What if I am depressing?"

"Huh? Why would you be depressed, love? I'm here and I'll help you go through everything. Why would you be depressed if I'm here and giving my heart to you?"

"It's hard to explain."

"Try to then. You can tell me everything. This is what significant other is meant for: to stay with you no matter what."

"Chuuya...love cannot help everything."

"It can. I'll show you. Just trust me, okay?"

"I know, that you're really willing to help me, but look, we're dating for not-so-long time, you haven't seen the worst parts of me."

"I have seen some of them."

"You just want to think so. Like I want to think, that it'll be alright."

"But it's true. It will be alright."

"Stop telling me these lies. Do you see how fucked up my life is? Do you really think, that it will be alright?"

"Now, that I'm with you, I'll help you with everything."

"Can you help me with my own self then? With my thoughts, my mind, my feelings, my wishes, my choices?"

"I can try."

"Chuuya...I don't want you to see this part of me."

"Why's that?"

"Because it's disgusting."

"You're not disgusting to me. I love you with all I have."

"..."

"I won't ever leave you, (Y/N)."

"E-Everyone before has said so too..."

"I'm not 'everyone'. I'm here to help you get through this. It's the best time for you to move on. Wait...is that tears?"

"N-No, it's not..."

"Don't look away, (Y/N). Trust me. Tell me what's going on, please."

"I can't...I'm disgusting...I'm just being dramatic and egoistic, y'know? Some people has had it worse, yet here I am...a filthy human being."

"Stop calling yourself like that. You're not."

"Chuuya, you don't know what it's like to hate your whole being. You may know what it's like to hate your ability, but not yourself. You've always been confident in yourself even when others called you 'fancy hat', you've always been confident...I'm not like that. I hate it. I hate this all. I hate my face, my hair, my body, even my feelings. I hate feeling the way I do....yet I can't help it. I hate my life...I really want to see an end to all this pain and suffering...and all these stupid people. Don't you think, that because of them, 'pain and suffering' are lame words now?"

"(Y/N)...you need to stop. Just listen to me. And please, look at me finally. I'll help you if you let me. Just let me try. Have I ever hurt you? Never. And I never will. So please, trust me."

"..."

"(Y/N)?"

"I hate myself and I want to die...."

"What do you just say?"

"It's a song. Heard it?"

~~~

Let me explain what the hell is this all is: reader is suffering from a depression and Chuuya wants to help her, yet her depression doesn't let her move on. Plus, she has paranoia, that he'll leave her like everyone before.

It's a reminder, that depression is not the same as being sad. This is what depression is like. This doesn't even describe the half of it though because I'm not a great writer. But I guess, that I got pretty close.

Depression is horrifying. Don't think, that it's romantic or aesthetic.

P.S. I hate myself and I want to die is a song by Nirvana