Dazai x Reader | Ashes

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Requested by Amane8009

Warning: triggering content

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"I hate him." you say. You always say it once you're asked what you think about that mysterious man, who used to be an inalienable part of you life just 2 years ago.

Hate is running down your veins, spreading all over your body and mind and killing everything, that used to live inside of you. Any emotion, any sane thought - everything was burned like straw by the fire, but as always, there were ashes left and these ashes were those bittersweet memories left by him

"He hates me." you say because it's the only way, you can understand why he left the Mafia and you behind and escaped. You couldn't think of any other reason why he would leave everything to move on. Why would he leave you alone in that terrible place if his words were true? Why would he act so selfishly? If he truly loved you, he wouldn't leave you, right? Right?

He wasn't the best person to get into a relationship with and you knew it right from the very beginning. You knew what a horrible and amoral man he was, you knew, that dignity and principles were just empty words for him. His eyes...eyes of a man, who saw hell and life, two most horrible things in this universe. He saw the world in a different way, unlike you. You were just an ordinary human, compared to him. All you could do was just stand by him and listen to his voice, telling you about all the things, he has seen and he often used to say, that hell was nothing compared to the real life

Perhaps, even God himself, was just a bit of dust in the eyes of a revenant.

"I don't care about him." you say. After all the years, spent side by side with him, you've had enough. The man, who killed and was killed thousands of times by many bizarre ways, was definitely up to no good. You've been given enough time to learn it. You were given a chance to stay away and let the things pass by you. Yet, no, you decided to experience life, to explore its depths and oh, how much you were regretting it. All life has given you was just a broken heart and a beaten soul, but no wisdom. How do some say it? You reap what you sown, right?

"I love you." he used to tell you. He used to tell you, that you were his reason to live, that you were the only person, that kept him going. With tears in his eyes, he begged you to stay with him forever on the darkest nights. He used to kiss you with as much love as he had for you, making you feel on top of the world. He used to catch some bullets and knives for you to keep you safe, to keep his only real treasure safe.

But if you were his treasure, why did he leave you behind? If he truly wanted you to be happy, why did he leave the Mafia? If he loved you, why did one day, when you came to his new apartment to ask him how his new life was going, you only found his soulless body on the bathroom floor???

"I love him." you say "No matter what, I still love him. And I hate those people, who made him think like I cheated on him. Everyone of us will be burned by the fire in the end, anyway."

~~~

Guys, it's a rather new style for me and I'd like to hear your opinion c: I'm really not confident about some of my recent chapters

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