Bungou Stray Dogs x Reader One Shots

Dazai x Reader | Alice In Wonderland

Requested by Mikaru-N

Hope, that this is what you wanted^^

Warning: PTSD, depression, death mentions, triggering content

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"How long has he been like that?"

"A year already."

"Year?! Wow, so long..."

"I know. It's like he's reliving that day over and over."

"It's horrible..."

"Yeah, indeed."

Dazai seemed to not hear that little talk, that Kunikida and Atsushi were having. They were trying to speak quietly, but they knew, that Dazai had a sharp ear to hear them. It didn't matter though because he wouldn't care about the words they said, nor that he would care about anything else

"Live for me....you're not a bad man...you can find happiness...but please, live for me..."

Another leaf fell from the tree outside of the window. Staring out at the trees has become a daily tradition for Dazai because it was one of the few things, that he had energy for, yet no matter how much time he has spent on it, it was only today, that he noticed that leaves has already changed colors and became orange and brown. Was it fall already? He didn't even notice. He was still living in that day in April.

For the first time in years, he didn't have a whole swarm or messed thoughts in his head. Instead, there was only one. 3 words kept repeating themselves over and over like a broken car radio.

"Live for me..."

Chocolate eyes, that were ones filled with love and happiness, now were blank. Color left them and they simply became sleepy-gray with a mix of traumatized-black. Those eyes, that she used to stare deeply into, while caressing his cheek tenderly, were now staring deeply into some empty space. These eyes were no longer interested in this world and were now simply trying to find something to hold on to before his old friend, Death, will find and take him to the place, he's dreaming of.

He can still hear the gunshots of that day. The images of the enemy, shooting at her, then him jumping in front of her and catching the bullet, are still flashing in front of his eyes. He can still hear her, muttering the words of her ability, that he wished would never be used.

Why were you born with such horrible ability, that allowed you to sacrifice your love to save another? Why did it have to be you? Why couldn't it be some stupid girl, who he didn't even care about at all? Why did it have to be you?

"Dazai."

The brunette almost jumped from the sudden call of his name. He was asleep ever since that day and he hated being woken up.

"What's wrong? Another case?" He asked his superior, Kunikida

"Actually, no." The taller man answered, fixing his glasses "I just wanted to ask you if you wanted something...maybe, coffee?"

"No, thank you." Dazai mumbled, returning to his computer as if he was trying to see something new in a black screen

Kunikida sighed.

He remembered how there were days, when he was so annoyed when Dazai was laughing out loud in the Agency, distracting everyone, or pranking Kunikida, but now, when he saw him, practically, turning into a living zombie, he was ready to take all of his scolding back and be pranked all the time again. This would definitely be better.

"Dazai-san." Atsushi said, trying to start a talk too "How about pranking Ranpo-san? I've found out about one trick yesterday and maybe, you'd like to try it."

"I'm afraid, I have work, Atsushi."

Both, Kunikida and Atsushi changed sad looks, trying to come up with a way to help him.

"Live for me...and promise me to be happy, ok?"

Dazai closed his eyes again. He wished he could seep. He wished, he could fall into a never-ending sleep and never wake up, before death consumes him and takes him to her, but he promised her not to.

How long has it been since he slept, at least, 3 hours last time? Has it been a day? Two days? A week? And when, did he eat properly last time? He couldn't even remembered. He remembered, he weighted 67 kg, when she was still alive. Now, he was only 53. His clothes, were hanging on him, obviously, being too big for him, but he lost any will to care.

How long has this been? Probably, a year...He was 23 already so it was only 40 left. He knew, that it was the maximum he could live and he hoped, that he would be able to die earlier. He has once heard, that one cigarette you take, shortens your life for one day and smoking a whole pack in a day became a rule for him as well as drinking. According to his counting, if he smoke and drank that much without sleeping and eating properly, he probably would only have to live just 10 or 20 years more, but he hoped, that it's a maximum.

"Please, live for me...."

"What can we do, Kunikida-san?" Atsushi asked

"I'm afraid, that nothing." Kunikida sighed "Dazai is stuck in that April day, when (Y/N) used her ability and sacrificed her life to save his. He's like Alice in Wonderland: he won't be able to get out, before he finds a way himself."

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