Bungou Stray Dogs x Reader One Shots

Dazai x Reader | Deformed

In this one shot, I'm describing a special physical condition, that Reader has. Please, take it seriously. I will get angry, if someone jokes about it because it's a special theme for me.

Also, there's something important in the end.

Anyway, here's the one shot~

~~~

The way his fingers were brushing gently through your hair, could calm down any kind of pain in both, your soul and your body. Your head was rested against his chest, and hearing his heartbeat made you feel safe and protected. You wrapped your arms around his strong frame, hugging him tighter as if you were trying to get as much warmth of his as it was possible.

The film, that you two were watching in this cold October night, was long forgotten as you got lost in your own tender feelings.

"Feeling alright, darling?" Dazai asked you softly

"Yeah." You smiled in his chest "Why asking this so suddenly?"

"I meant, you're not feeling any pain?" He rephrased his question

Your smile grew wider because of his seemingly small question, but which showed all of his care about you.

"Actually, I do feel it a little in my neck." You confessed, raising up a little

Dazai let go of you gently, letting you change your lying position.

You rolled over him, so that you were hugging him cutely like a koala. He chuckled at the feeling of your chest, being pressed against his and wrapped his hands around your waist, before kissing your forehead.

"You really like lying on me like on a pillow, right~?" He asked, poking at your nose

"Of course, I do~" You answered "Thank you for...remembering about...y'know."

"My love~" He started, after pressing your head to his chest "There's no need to thank me for that~ I love you~ And I don't want to you to feel any pain~"

"Even though, I'm not normal...?" You asked quietly

"(Y/N)." He said with a more serious tone this time "I do not care if you have an ordinary body type or not. Don't call yourself "not normal". I think, that unique is a better word to call you~"

You smiled happily

"Thank you, Dazai~" You said "For everything~"

These words meant much more actually, than just a gratitude for his question a couple of minutes ago.

Throughout all your life, you were sure, that you will never meet anyone, who would accept you with your condition. You were thinking of different ways to hide it, to keep it in secret. You were sure, that it was ugly to have it. It was the type of ugliness, that wasn't obvious to most of the people, if you were wearing baggy clothes. It wasn't the type of ugliness, that some rude people (who still lived in the past and thought, that appearance matters) could see on one's face.

This ugliness was living deep under your skin. It was living within your bones. To be more exact, it was hidden in your skeleton. This ugliness was alive and even had a name, that was as ugly as it was itself already.

Scoliosis.

This word ruined your life.

You never had a normal childhood as it was all spent in the doctors' offices. Your couldn't do dancing or gymnastics like most of the girls in your glass as your literally deformed skeleton was aching once you started doing it. At school, you were considered as an ugly duck because of your back in the question mark shape.

Growing up, it got a little bit better, but of course, it never left you.

This was the way your life was going until you met him.

Dazai walked into your life out of the blue and changed it all at once. He changed the way you saw life and your body and in return, you gave him a reason to live.

He first found out about this not-so-little "problem", that you had, when you were about to make love with him for the first time. At that time, you decided to risk it all and trust him completely and you let him see you naked.

And of course, he didn't care about your unusual looks even a single bit.

Otherwise, Dazai showed you, how beautiful your body was. The thing, that you were always thinking, was ugly, turned out to be that one thing, that made you unique.

Dazai helped you in any possible way with this small little war, that was going between you and your own body. He kept close attention to your body, if you said, that you felt pain in any place. He massaged your back, if you asked him to. He didn't let you lift any heavy things. He didn't let you do paper work for too long so that it wouldn't make your lower back hurt.

Dazai proved you, that your back was deformed, but you were still the most beautiful woman in the world to him.

"Thank you, Dazai~" You repeated again, before adding quietly "For coming into my life."

~~~

Let me explain, why I wrote this so suddenly.

I was describing this condition not because I just heard about it and I got inspired.

I, myself, have scoliosis.

All my life, I was ashamed of talking about it as if it was something horrible or disgusting. I hated, being reminded of it, yet I couldn't avoid it.

But only recently, I finally decided to speak up. I needed support and I decided, that it was time to accept it.

I'm telling you about it, not because I need your pity or something, but because speaking up about it helps me.

All cases of scoliosis are different, but let me tell you about mine.

I got scoliosis because when my mom was giving birth to me, the way that doctors held me damaged one bone, that's connecting my backbone and skull. The deformed position of that bone caused deforming of the whole skeleton and other organs since everything's connected. Even my nerve system got damaged and as the time went by, this caused such problems as panic attacks

When I was 6, my back literally represented the form of the question mark. Literally.

I was doing swimming and going to the doctors a lot and eventually, it got a little bit better.

I did not have time for friends at all since it all was spent in hospital (because of the other problem, though) and doctors' offices as we were trying to heal my skeleton.

I have terrible pain in my back and shoulders if I sit for more than 2 hours, I have to constantly crack it (like some people crack their fingers), sleeping is hard because my neck hurts in most of the positions. I can't do any sports, except for yoga without feeling back pain as well. When I was 7, I had to wear a corset, that causes troubles with breathing and pain and was supposed to help me with this

Scoliosis is not something, that people get because of not doing sports, or sitting in a wrong position. If someone has it, support them and help them feel themselves better. You can't help them with their physical pain, but at least, never forget to call them beautiful since this is what all of the people, suffering from it, want to hear.

Recently, we found out about one domain in medicine, called kinesiology, that is starting to help me get rid of it.

I don't want any pity or something.

I told this only for myself because this helps me accept this part of myself.

Thank you