Bungou Stray Dogs x Reader One Shots

Dazai x Reader | Moonlight Sonata

Some say, that human warmth can help one calm down and feel safe. That's why everyone loves falling asleep next to someone, especially if it's a loved one.

Why couldn't you fall asleep then?

Dazai was lying right next to you and it seemed like he was sleeping peacefully, but you knew that he was fighting with his deepest fears in his dreams right now. His face was almost buried in the pillow, yet you could still clearly see the frown on his face. Furrowed eyebrows, parted lips, cheeks dusted with a slight hint of pink, probably because he was embarrassed to feel vulnerable.

Useless.

This was the word, that described your feelings the best. Completely useless.

You have been dating Dazai for about 5 months already and every single day of your being with him, you promised him wholeheartedly, that you will help him, you will make him happy, you will stay with him forever and help him go through all the fears and agony, that he was going through, yet it's been 5 months and he was still having troubles sleeping, he was still crying into your chest, while shaking violently and choking from the misery, clenching his lungs.

What was wrong? You gave him the love and care, that he was always longing for. You knew, that he was truly in love with you too. No, not knew. You felt it. You felt it through the way he kissed you every time as if it was the last time he got to have a taste of your lips, the way he pressed you closely to his chest because he was afraid to lose you. He was afraid to death, that there will come a day, when he will wake up without you by his side and not rarely, this was the reason, he woke up at night with his messy bangs, sticking to his forehead because of sweat, while he was panting heavily.

You stretched a hand towards his head, brushing his soft locks away from his face as a single tear, rolled down your face.

You've never felt anything worse, than that. He was suffering on his own, while you were dying inside too. Both of you were crying because of pain, yet none of you was near the other for both of you were trying to stay strong. This was your greatest mistake and you knew it.

You were just feeling lonely. Yes, you had Dazai and you always will, but you didn't want to bother him with your problems. He had enough of his. Why making his life even more difficult and making him feeling guilty for unintentionally hurting you so much? Indeed, it wasn't rational. It would be better if you just continued helping him because his happiness will momentarily save you as well.

This was, without any doubt, the loneliest night, you've ever had and you could even hear the moon, playing its moonlight sonata in tune to your tears.

You broke down.

Your tears became unbearable as you nuzzled your face into his chest, finally letting all the pain, that has coped inside of you, come out on his bandaged chest. You wrapped your hands around his chest tighter, than ever before, trying to get closer to him and his soul.

So close, yet so far.

Can two shattered people, who are deeply in love with each other, save one another? Can a creature, who needs to be saved, save another? Is that even possible?

You don't know, yet you feel his body shift a little bit as a gentle hand, lied upon your hair, brushing your (e/c) strands soothingly and you hear the sonata to stop playing

"(Y/N)....?" Dazai called you with his voice, filled with concern "What happened?"

~~~

Don't forget to vote or comment if you liked the chapter :3

Inspired by my loneliness and Beethoven.

I'm upset. I'll have exams on the 5th, 6th and 7th December and 6th December is my bday. Not that I was going to throw party (I literally don't have any friends to party with lol) but I was at least hoping to rest, but now, I'll be stressed on my bday.

Also, I can't help but feel as if everyone abandoned me. Idk, I've been feeling hella lonely all the past month and now, I can't help it.

Perhaps, it's because of the dull weather. Or at least, I hope that there's not that "winter depression", how we call it in my country.