To Try Again | Divergent (DISCONTINUED)

Chapter 15

Tris POV

Today is visiting day. The second I open my eyes, I remember. My heart leaps and then plummets when I see Molly hobble across the dormitory, her nose purple between strips of medical tape. Once I see her leave, I check for Peter and Drew. Neither of them are in the dormitory, so I change quickly. As long as they aren't here, I don't care who sees me in my underwear, not anymore.

I have been avoiding Tobias. I'm not ready for the argument that I know is to come about my stupidity. But I know that if we want Abnegation to be protected, we have to talk to my mom today. Together.

The dormitory is quiet as people change. Even Christina is silent. No one knows if their family is going to show up today. Even I can't be completely sure. Things can change. But I hope that isn't the case.

I make my bed with the tight corners like my father taught me. As I pinch a stray hair from my pillow, Eric walks in.

"Attention!" he announces, flicking a lock of dark hair from his eyes. "I want to give you some advice about today. If by some miracle your families do come to visit you..." He scans our faces and smirks. "...which I doubt, it is best not to seem too attached. That will make it easier for you, and easier for them. We also take the phrase 'faction before blood' very seriously here. Attachment to your family suggests you aren't entirely pleased with your faction, which would be shameful. Understand?"

I understand. I hear the threat in Eric's sharp voice. I know the threat. The only part of that speech that Eric meant was the last part: We are Dauntless, and we need to act accordingly.

On my way out of the dormitory, Eric stops me, and I feel my hands clench into fists.

"I may have underestimated you, Stiff," he says. "You did well yesterday."

I stare up at him. For the first time since I beat Molly, guilt pinches my gut.

If Eric thinks I did something right, I must have done it wrong. No, that's wrong. I did do something wrong and I know I did.

I slip out of the dormitory without a word and go to look for my mother.

Christina and Will are talking and laughing ahead of me. It is great to see them together again.

One again, Al is missing. That coward. He is to afraid to face his own parents. Pathetic.

I don't worry about hiding my tattoos or fixing my hair. My mom loves me for who I am.

I see Tobias standing in the same place he was last time. When my eyes meet his, he instantly looks away. I can't believe I messed up. I messed us up. I can't lose him and now I might.

Christina is talking to her mom, with her little sister, Rose, giggling beside her. Will is talking to Cara. I remember punching her last time. Who would have thought that she would eventually save half of Dauntless from her own faction?

As I'm walking, I finally see her. My mother stands alone near the railing with her hands clasped in front of her. She has never looked more out of place, with her gray slacks and gray jacket buttoned at the throat, her hair in its simple twist and her face placid. I start towards her.

I walk faster. She sees me, and for a second her expression is blank, like she doesn't know who I am. Then her eyes light up, and she opens her arms. She smells like soap and laundry detergent.

"Beatrice," she whispers. She runs her hand over my hair.

I try to tell myself not to cry, but I can't help it. It has been so long since I have felt her embrace or heard her voice. Now I only wish that dad could be here too. I hold her until I can blink the moisture from my eyes, and then pull back to look at her again. I smile with closed lips, just like she does. She touches my cheek.

"Well, look at you," she says. "You've filled out." She puts her arm across my shoulders. "Tell me how you are."

"Mom," I start. "Something big is happening. I need to talk to you, but we have to go somewhere private." She nods and stands up.

We walk over to where Tobias is standing. I tap his shoulder and he turns around. "Tris," he starts.

I put my finger on his lips to silence him and point towards my mother. His eyes widen when he understands and he nods.

"Hello Mrs. Prior," Tobias says. He doesn't try to shake her hand and I think she appreciates that. "I'm Four. Tris's instructor."

"Four," my mother repeats, smiling. "Is that a nickname?"

"Yes." He doesn't elaborate. "Your daughter is doing well here. I've been overseeing her training." I raise my eyebrows at him and I see the corners of his mouth curl into a smile.

"That's good to hear," she says. "I know a few things about Dauntless initiation, and I was worried about her."

He looks at me, and his eyes move down my face, from nose to mouth to chin. Then he says, "You shouldn't worry."

I can't keep the heat from rushing into my cheeks. I hope it isn't noticeable. But I know it is by the way he chuckles softly.

"We need to talk. Remember?" I ask. He nods and my mom walks leads us where she did last time.

"What is it?" she asks once we are out of earshot.

"First things first," Tobias says. "Do you know who I am?" She nods.

"Okay," I say. "That will make all of this a little bit easier. Let's start off by saying that we're dating, but that's not what this is about." My mom smiles. "Mom there is a war coming.

"The Erudite are going to put the Dauntless under a simulation to a attack Abnegation. Don't ask how we know this. We just do. The attack will happen on the last day of Dauntless initiation and I know you know when that is." She looks shocked, but nods telling me to continue. "Just please make sure you and the rest of Abnegation are aware and that the doors are locked please. We are going to do all we can to stop it. I just want you to be safe."

"Of course," she says. "Thank you B- I mean Tris. And you too Four."

"Please," Tobias says stopping her. "Call me Tobias."

"And you can call me Natalie," she says. "And Tris. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," I reply.

"What were your test results?"

I was waiting for that question. "They were inconclusive. And before you say anything, I know to be careful. Tobias can watch me. He's divergent too."

"Okay. I should get going," she says. "Thanks again."

As she walks away, I shout, "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie. And have some cake for me. Try the chocolate. It's delicious." And just like that, she's gone, and I don't know when I will see her again.

I just hope that we can pull this off because I can't lose her.

Not again.