Always & Forever (D. Swing)

Chapter 52.

Donald

Removing the silly, black striped patterned tie from my suit, I hang my arms to the side observing my exterior in the mirror. It's only been a day since the funeral and I find myself still in this fucking thing. It took me long enough to put the suit on and now I can't take it off. I haven't worn one in years and for this eventual condition to be the reasoning for it is tragic. I've only been to maybe one or two funerals growing up but only when I was about five or six, so I didn't really know what was going on. I didn't really expect her to die so soon. I remember Devyn telling me that she walked in on her snorting a line of cocaine but that all went past my head because I was too busy focusing on the other situation concerning her physicality at the moment.

Cocaine and needles? I've heard about it and I do a few drugs myself but I'd never go that deep into it. The only thing that'll ever go into my system is alcohol and marijuana, the other stuff they can keep. The thought of a needle sneaking itself underneath my skin to poke the frail green lining we call veins brings a sickness to my stomach.

When we found out the news, I couldn't really tell how everyone was feeling. Who I really wondered about is my mom. The last encounter they had with each other was Iris exposing the adultery that had been going on for quite some time and the last memory of that probably makes my mom sad. But it is what it is. I don't know exactly how she felt about her, whether she was angry or not because you can never tell with my mother but she couldn't be that mad at the situation or Iris if she took my father back so quickly. Or maybe she's doing one of those things where women blame the other woman for the cheating when in reality it takes two to cheat. Women are usually great at hiding their feelings behind a mask, so it could be a possibility that my mom is faking the sympathy to appear nice but then again my mom has a heart of gold and forgives easily, sadly. All she wants is for everyone around to be happy even if that means she comes last. If everyone else is good and there's moderation with no sudden change in routine, she's fine. Sad case.

There's no exactly telling how my dad is feeling. Observing him the past two days, he displayed no emotions of sadness or anger, he just remained with an unreadable expression. But I know he was dying on the inside. He was slowly dying trying to let the news sink in. His behavior was slowly changing over the past week and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. His random outbursts with picking on me and screaming at us has dialed down a lot, and he rarely questioned me over anything anymore. He stays in his room more often whenever we'd go out with our mom with the door locked until we get back. As sad as it is, I don't know if I can feel bad for him or not. He put himself into this situation by being affiliated with a drug addict, but then again the fact that he was affiliated with her probably hurts him most. Imagining the possible memories they have together lingers across my mind. By the way he's acting, I sense they did other things than have sex and it angers me to think about him sharing time with this woman who isn't my mother in secret. That's something I don't think I can ever forgive him for. I'd probably say if he was single, it's different. But he has kids and kids deserve to have both of their parents together throughout their eighteen years of growing.

After we left the gravesite, we came directly home and everyone went their separate ways not saying anything else for the rest of the day. Me being me, I didn't bother taking a shower or doing much of anything after seeing all that crying already having enough of those waterworks but I guess I'll take one now. Quickly removing my clothing, I stand still in the mirror observing my bare physique. Tilting my head to both sides, I stare downtown from different angles before reaching over to grab my towel in preparation of my shower.

Grabbing the door, my hand grasps onto it out of fear once the house phone ringer shrieks into my ears. Inhaling sharply with my lips sealed together, I glide across the floor, extending my long arms to grab the phone before anyone else can. Breathing deeply, I greet the person first, "Hello?"