As time passes her by, Devyn tries to survive her final teenage years in a cold world only wanting to be left alone. Although she isn't fond of change, a new chapter begins in her life introducing foreign concepts she was never involved in. Everythi...
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I didn't mean to consume the amount of alcohol I have in my system as of now, though I couldn't help but to drown my dramatic ass sorrows in them. Most would claim I'm exaggerating the entire situation but this depressant somehow never fails to numb up the misery of my aching heart. I've been trying to let Devyn escape my mind for a little while since when we're not with each other because sometimes thinking of her gives me a headache and/or makes me sad. I look down at my hands as I begin to see them shake. It brought disarray to me as I wonder why but they couldn't stop. My two pair of disformed fingers convulse more than the others and I quickly put my hands down beneath everything. I wipe them onto my bed as I lay back my head relaxed onto the pillow.
I've honestly been sitting here for an hour contemplating if this relationship is just an illusion to my mind or if it's just been that the entire time and I never seemed to notice? It can't be that because I could've sworn at one time she loved me more than I loved her because she was honestly annoying when we first met. I don't know when exactly I started to lighten up on her but she surely did it before myself despite me kissing her first. I used to see the way her eyes would linger on me at the lunch table. I reacted to see a reaction and I guess I got the one I wanted, leaving me satisfied. Her loving and adoration for me now seems vaguely be there and I don't exactly how to feel about that. I slap my head in defeat after realizing I'm thinking about her again. "Fucking idiot." I slap myself repeatedly until a migraine introduces itself into my brain. "Stop thinking about her."
"I can't man." I respond to myself sadly, sloppily laying the bottle onto the bed with milliliters of it spilling onto my comforter. "Shit." I hiss, pressing my hand down onto the covers that lay across my bed. I know for sure I'm going to have to get this cleaned and washed before my dad ever comes back in here whenever he returns from wherever. It's odd because he hasn't really left the house since the funeral for Iris but I guess he wants some vitamin D the natural way this evening. Even though he and my mom were back together, they often shared awkward moments together. They frequently left the house at the same time and never returned until they wanted to, like as of right now and us boys have the house to ourselves. Sometimes they seem happy, other times they didn't. I don't even know if to call that love or sacrificing themselves for the sake of us.
Twitching in my pants, I frown at the movement going down below me and I cringe at it. I shake my head aggressively not wanting to go down that route. "Not today nigga." I scold directly towards the center of my jeans. "I said no." I slur over my words after taking a few more sips from the bottle. Biting my lip, embarrassed at the sudden movements of my body I give into temptation sneaking my hands into my pants. I wrap my slender fingers around my member gently. I slide my hand up and down with ease finding myself gradually transforming in premonition of self-gratification. Closing my eyes, using my hands to travel to imagery at its peak, many depictions come to mind and I smile at the picture.
