Always & Forever (D. Swing)

Chapter 57.

Devyn

Gazing into the bathroom mirror sleepily, I wipe the fresh tears that tattoo on my face leaving it appearing water-like. Zoning in and out every once in a while, I clumsily run into the counter a couple of times, bringing on aching pains to my brittle sounding bones until I finally place both of my hands onto the counter. Nothing has been consumed into my body but it's almost like it has been. All I can remember is me being sleep with horrid dreams occurring, then exhaustingly awakening from the slumber with my entire body drenched in sweat. The dreams I lied about claiming I don't have anymore about my past still runs through my mind at night, which is why I barely sleep. But this time, it's really getting to me for some reason. The sleep I never get may be finally catching up. The current state of my body almost compares to the feeling of being intoxicated by anti-depressants. The paranoia I feel makes me drained despite me not even performing such activities that deserves this type of behavior.

But I'm still acting this way and I can't seem to stop it. Beginning to feel frustrated with myself, I rummage through the cabinets searching for something to aid me in falling asleep. My eyes are blurred with my vision not being exactly reliable at the moment. I don't recognize any of these prescription drugs and I can barely see the names of them. Iris used to take sleeping pills so I'm trying to find a something similar to what hers used to look like. I grab the closest bottle in appearance, attempting to remove the lid from the bottle but weakness of my hands doesn't let me. Cringing to myself, I attempt to open the container again but I only fail causing all of the pills to splatter across the floor. With my mouth falling slightly open, I back myself into the wall sloppily sliding down onto the floor with my back absorbing the chill temperature of the wall.

Tears don't falter to ecsape my eyes, falling slowly one at a time, deriving from my left one first. Curling myself up into a ball, I lay my head into the darkness of my black shorts seeing nothing as I sob to myself. I can't seem to do anything right--not even open a bottle correctly. All I want to do is go to sleep and I can't because my mind is harassing me all of the time. I can never seem to master mind no matter how hard I try to or what I tell people on a daily basis. Every time I attempt to make myself happy, the evil left comes in to destroy it all. Everything I've built. Sometimes I can't even recall what I'm upset about but I find myself crying about it every night and then other things I was once upset about makes its way into the brain. Sometimes my brain makes me want to commit things I know aren't right. She drags me into places I refuse to be, but I can't escape it because she's my entirety. Without, I wouldn't be able to function or live. Amusing I need my brain to live, but she's the one trying to kill me.

Nearly wetting my pants, the sound of the door opening alerts me and immediately, I try to hide behind the door but that act dimishes once the hard material connects with my head. "Ouch." Groaning in pain, I rub my head across my smooth forehead with flashing lights occuring in my head.

"Devyn! What the hell are you doing?" The voice of my deranged father blares into my eardrum causing a disconnect with me and this two dimensional atmosphere. I cover my ears in pain, although the sound isn't abusing my ears, I just feel sensitive to everything in this moment. Pulling me up by my arms, he attempts to position me onto my two feet but my body only bumps against the wall again. I whimper in pain, crying out loudly to whoever. "Devyn..." He calls out for me, pulling my flimsy arms up again. Breathing lightly, I lay my head against his chest involuntarily letting my entire body use him as a boulder.

He forcefully lifts my head up from his shoulder, holding me with one arm and my mouth falls agape once my head sends flying back. Before that could actually happens, he pushes it back foward tapping his fingers against my face lightly. "Devyn." His faint voice calls out for me. "D-Devyn!" Smacking his hand against my face, my eyes slightly pop open wider revealing his face to me. Shaking in fear, I hold my face in pain staring at him with sleepy eyes.