Always & Forever (D. Swing)

Chapter 82.

[WARNING; EXPLICIT CONTENT]

Devyn

Thursday, April 29, 1988

My brain always alerts itself at three A.M.; the timeframe where most taboo things come to light. I was always scared waking up at this time of night because I have a fear of the unknown. It's almost as if something in the air persuades me to act a certain way, but I'm not scared this time. Waking up for selfish reasons, I stand in front of the mirror as the moon shines its bright light on my brown skin. Pure darkness is the only thing that can be seen when I ignore Luna's aura. But the thing is, I can't ignore the moon's light. So it's actually bright as hell in here only because of the sun donating light to her.

Today is the day D and I are supposed to go to the beach today to talk and eat this morning, as corny as it sounds. Just like I said I was going to do, I'm planning on taking the medicine again to get back on track even if that means taking a bunch of them. Sometimes my weird behavior can get to the best of me and I want something to calm me down at the moment. The aching feeling in my bones from my whole body trembling disables me from opening the cap on the bottle correctly. Struggling with tops has been normalized for me dating back to the first time I tried to take some pills. Fresh tears tattoo, streaming down the engraved lines on my face because of the deep sleep I was just in. Aggressively grasping onto the top, I manage to pull it off. Cupping about ten in my left hand, I dump them into my mouth and make usage of my right hand by splashing water in my mouth swallowing deeply.

Hopefully Mrs. DiCarlo won't be able to tell whether I've been avoiding taking them or not by the dosage I just consumed. Biting my lip nervously, I glance down at the watch stapled to my wrist estimating that it should start affecting me in forty five minutes or so. I need something. Something else that can possibly make me feel secure in the restless thoughts that wander through my profound mind. Someone, or somebodies to vent to that will listen and not criticize me simply because they can't, and certainly won't. Nodding to myself, the place I need to go pops into my mind with ease. Gazing into the bathroom mirror sleepily, I gently force a smile and tap my fingers along the cabinets possibly with the thoughts of standing here until forty five minutes pass. I need something else.

I decided to visit a place I haven't gone to in a long time. The graveyard. Only a few things about this place scares me; how fucking quiet it is despite the many guests present and how I might be buried here along with these silenced guests. I was reluctant coming here and I didn't want to come back for obvious reasons. I didn't even come back for mother's day to visit Iris and I don't even know where Grace is. I just never felt the need to. It's not that I forgot about them, I just wanted to forget about them so I tried doing that by never visiting. I wanted the past to stay in the past. Repression is succession. That was the motto I lived by since birth up until eighty-seven. But apparently, the past will always come back for a thrilling haunt so I might as well deal with it.

Clumsily walking up to the Gravesite, my eyes squint adjusting to my impaired vision. "I..I.." Trailing off, I rub my eyes tiredly before closing my falling mouth. I frown my face at the name that reads in front of me. "Leroy Jinkins? Who the..who the f-fuck is that?" What happened to Iris' tombstone being right here. So it's true what they say about graveyards; they bury people on top of other people. I knew it was true, I just didn't think they'd do it so soon. A knot turns in my stomach, thinking about a casket being smushed by another one. How disgusting?

Slapping my face lightly doesn't aid in motivating me into continuing my journey. Caught in the undertow of the current flow, my knees crush against ground and I begin to panic because she's not in the spot I last saw her. My vision begins to blur as my eyes water wandering to find somebody. Where could she have went? Why did they move her? I scan everywhere in the rising sun until I see someone. My eyes get excited and I skip over a bunch of graves just to get to that person. "H-Hey..you.. you there!" I yell over to them while trying to keep my balance, but I fail, almost knocking into a couple of tombstones. The feeling of passing out overtakes my body but I manage to push that thought to the back of my head because I have something I need to accomplish. "Hey." I tap the middle-aged man on the shoulder until he turns around. "Woah.. uh. Sorry. I just..uh.. This lady Iris died last year and s-she was buried in this graveyard-"