Always & Forever (D. Swing)

Chapter 53.

Devyn

June

Sitting beneath the moon and the stars while the loud roars of the ocean steadily come closer to shore each time, chilling the tips of my toes, I close my eyes. Maybe closing my eyes is all I needed to do this whole time. If I act like everything is a dream, maybe it'll go away. I was fine with not being angry and moving past things but secrets just keep revealing themselves and I don't if I can handle this any longer. It's nighttime and I find myself sitting sitting at the beach alone. The waves hit my feet every thirty seconds and it's beginning to feel warmer at night and that's how I know summer is about to be here in a couple of weeks. It's crazy to me how time moves extremely fast never stopping for any of us. Junior year will finally be coming to an end and soon I'll be a senior and so on. I'm actually going to be an adult and have to do adult shit without any adult figures in my life.

I was drawing the first hour I got here, but I stopped as my thoughts overpowered all the imagination that went out my head. My mind always traveled everywhere at once. Sometimes I wonder if I can even draw anymore. Seems like I might lose that talent soon. I tend to focus on other ruckus in my life more than that.

Overwhelmed by everything that's been going on lately with finding about my true egg donor, the cause of Iris' death still hasn't left my mind and I decided to grab onto a few books about it myself since no one could provide me with information themselves. In a day, I learned that this HIV/AIDS thing is and what it stood for, both having extremely long names. I tried to inform my dad about the disease but he turned me down once I told him and only claimed it as a 'faggot' disease and that he didn't care for it. Apparently, the sudden breakout took place in the early eighties when loads of people started to report having pneumonia not knowing exactly where it came from. HIV harms the blood system, putting victims up to certain health risks eventually leading to AIDS which is the final stage, I remember reading.

Most books and articles I got from the library insist that people can only receive it through homosexual activity dealing with males but two of the sources says anyone can have it. I don't know whether to go with what the general public says or look more into anyone being able to have it. Iris had it so I guess that means anyone can, unless she was having sexual intercourse with a gay male without protection, which I doubt she did. Even though she was careless, she pressured me about using condoms when she rarely spoke to me about relationships and boys. I'm assuming she used a Jimmy frequently.

I also learned it could be passed through drugs, needles, and open wounds which could be another major key in her death that remains unsolved. I know my father said what it was but could drugs be the only factor? Which leads me back to her sexual activities plus the possibility of sharing needles. .. did she share needles with Stephen? Did Stephen do drugs like her or only drunk alcohol?

Swallowing deeply, I connect the dots to this equation of the long chain. If Stephen was doing the same drugs as her and he forced himself into me, does that mean I have the disease. Cupping myself down there, fear takes over me as I begin hyperventilating with my hands covering my mouth, flipping the pages of the book with explicit pictures of patients on hospital beds. Some looking very fragile, others looking nearly dead. With a tear drop falling onto the book, It stains the page.

"Hey.. Devyn." Nearly pissing my pants, I slam the book shut at another voice making its presence very known. A familiar deep voice that always alerts me whenever it comes around. Reluctantly turning my neck to face the person, I stare in awe wondering if all of this is just a dream.

Exhaling sharply, I press my lips together in shock, stuttering over each word that tries to squeezes it way out my mouth. "H-Hey.." I stutter. "Hi." My entire heart drops as I see him stand above me with the moon reflecting off of his piercing eyes making it appear gold. "W-What are you doing here?" I ask nervously, pushing my hair in front to avoid him burning a hole into my face.