My Own Personal Shisus!

I'm Not Afraid

     "Soooo...., what do you want to do tonight, Siwon-ah?" Heechul cooed as he knelt down on the sofa behind where Siwon sat leaning against it and began massaging the devout's man's shoulders. "I think we should celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" Siwon asked, slightly afraid of Heechul's cheery mood.

"How about me not punching Yesung-ah today. Or, my big break in W Magazine. Or...," Heechul rambled, pausing a moment to choose his next statement. "How about you telling Ryeowook that you're my boyfriend?"

"He told you about that?" Siwon blanched, honestly forgetting what he'd told the tiny photo assistant.

"Of course he did." Heechul answered in a sing song voice. "He was impressed that I managed to snag such a handsome guy. Yesung-ah was jealous."

"That's what you wanted, right?"

"Yes," Heechul agreed, "But, did you mean what you said?"

"I don't understand the question."

"Did you tell Wookie you were my boyfriend because I wanted you to, or was it because you wanted to?"

"You're confusing me." Siwon frowned, "Let's just watch TV."

"Are you busy tomorrow night, Siwon-ah?"

"It's Saturday, so I'm going to confession."

"So, nothing important." Heechul inferred, "Good, because we're going on a double date with Yesung-ah and Wookie."

"We're what?" Siwon panicked, "I thought you hated them?"

"I do, but it's a good opportunity to get make Yesung-ah jealous while simultaneously scoping out more jobs at W. He's a staff photographer, therefore he has pull with the editors."

"You're seriously going to have dinner with your ex in order to get more jobs? You were going to walk out on the shoot today because of him."

"Until you reminded me that there were more important things in this world than my anger towards Yesung-ah," Heechul clarified.

"What kinds of things?"

"Well, my career and the agencies reputation." Heechul answered, "And you."

"Me?"

"Haven't you gotten through that thick religious skull of yours by now?" Heechul chuckled as he slipped off the sofa and climbed into Siwon's lap. "You're important to me, Shisus. I like you a lot. So, I'm going to ask you again. Did you tell Wookie that you're my boyfriend because I told you to, or because you wanted to?"

"Well, I...," Siwon hesitated, swallowing nervously before answering. "I wanted to."

"You like me," Heechul sung cheerily, kissing Siwon on the tip of the nose. "You're my boyfriend. You want to date me...,"

"Ok, stop..," Siwon laughed nervously, "What I want, is for you to stop singing."

"Is God ok with you dating me, Shisus?" Heechul asked seriously, his cheery mood fading away. "Or, have you given into a sin."

"I don't know," Siwon shook his head, "But, what I do know is that I prayed for God to send me a sign and you showed up in church. You prayed for me and I know that was difficult for you. I think God was telling me something that day and for some reason when I think about dating you, I'm not afraid. Well, I'm nervous, but I don't fear for my soul. When I held you in my arms the last night, I felt a peacefulness within myself I never felt before and suddenly I wasn't afraid anymore."

Suddenly overwhelmed with emotion, Heechul wrapped his arms around Siwon and hid his face in the crook of the devout man's neck. Siwon held Heechul tightly and stroaked his hair as the older broke down in his arms. Hot tears were falling against Siwon's neck, signaling Heechul was silently weeping.

"Heechul-ah, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Heechul answered, his voice muffled. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's right."

"Then, why are you crying?"

"I don't know," Heechul replied, "Just hold me for a while, ok?"

"Alright," Siwon whispered, "Everything's alright."

That night, Siwon held Heechul in his arms as they slept and just like the previous night, he was at peace. Something about this man calmed the turmoil within his mind. Where he used to fear being alone with Heechul, he now craved those quiet moments. That day in church when Heechul had held his hand and prayed for him, changed his relationship with God and his relationship with Heechul. God had sent him a sign, and it told him that love was not a sin; Heechul was not a sin.

"I have another idea," Siwon began as he sat at the breakfast table the next morning.

"What kind of idea?" Heechul asked, pouring himself a cup of coffee and taking a seat across from his boyfriend.

"Let's skip the double date and go on a date of our own."

"Can I plan the date?" Heechul questioned, a mischievous grin forming on his face.

"How about we each plan half of it, just to be fair."

"Ok, you plan the first part of the night and I'll plan the second." Heechul agreed, shooting up from the table. "I have to make phone calls. First, I have to call Night Chat and tell them I need the night off and then I have to call Ryeowook. What am I going to wear!"

"Dear Lord, what did I get myself into?" Siwon mumbled, Heechul's excited reaction causing him to smile.

"What time are we leaving?"

"Around 6 pm, I guess." Siwon shrugged, "I've never really planned a date with a guy before."

"It's the same as dating a girl." Heechul explained, "You just don't have to buy me jewelry or flowers. But, if you feel like it, I prefer roses."