Sanders Sides One-Shots

Doing my Best

Warnings: Self-hatred, self-deprecation, self-harm, insulting, guilt, blood, vomiting, and description of self-harm wounds.

Ship(s): Platonic Logicality, Platonic Thogan, Platonic LAMPT around the end, I guess?

Logan rubbed his eyes, completely exhausted. For some odd reason, today's video had been particularly draining. Something had just felt off today, and he really didn't know what. He'd been nervous, doubting himself, feeling ignored, and it really, for lack of a better word, sucked. He was looking forward to getting some rest, maybe solving a problem to lift his self-confidence a bit. Maybe Patton would let him stay in his room for a whi-

"Today was such a drag!" Logan heard Thomas groan from inside Patton's room. He froze, quietly pressing against the wall and listening. Thomas was in the mindscape? That was odd, he had only come down once when they needed to get Virgil. Logan heard said edge lord scoff.

"Right? Everything was off, and really, really overwhelming. Even Logan was weirder than usual," Virgil said, laughing slightly. Logan's heart dropped. Weird? Virgil thought he was weird? Logan heard Patton try to protest and he smiled, but Roman had to open his big mouth.

"Yeah....You know, after today, I was thinking about that. Maybe we provide enough Logic ourselves, you know? I mean, yeah, Logan helps sometimes, but honestly he hardly ever has anything to contribute," Roman said.

"Oh, come now, Roman! To be completely honest, we tend to ignore Logan's input, almost as much as we used to ignore Virgil! It's not that he doesn't give us any ideas or that he doesn't contribute, we just don't listen to him!" Patton protested. Logan perked up. Patton had said Logan was his hero earlier that day, and now...he was defending him? How odd. It felt...nice, in a way.

"Patton's right, guys! The two of you are being really harsh," Thomas said. Logan's heart leaped for joy and he almost smiled, almost, but then Roman spoke again.

"I just don't see any use for an entitled smart-ass," Roman muttered. Logan's breathing hitched and he clamped a shaky hand over his mouth. Tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks, wetting his hand and, eventually, the front of his shirt. He sniffled softly and took off his glasses, furiously scrubbing away at his eyes. Why was he crying? He had no right to cry. Roman was right. He was unnecessary, and an insufferable know-it-all. But what else was he supposed to be? That was his job.

"Agreed," Virgil said, chuckling. Logan's heart shattered into pieces and he choked back a sob. He deserved that. After what he put Virgil through, he definitely deserved that.

He heard Thomas gasp and Patton cried, "Guys, be nice!" Roman laughed and Logan felt sick, so sick that he doubled over and clutched his mouth, his entire body shaking as his stomach churned. He fell to his knees and barely heard Roman's reply.

"Why? He's not here, Patton. What he doesn't know won't hurt him." Logan really did sob this time; a heartbreaking, breath-stealing sob that crushed the air out of his lungs and made his whole body tremble. He was already on his knees so all he could do was lean against the wall as his chest heaved for breath and choked up sobs continued to fall from his lips. He heard footsteps and he panicked, trying and failing to get up, to get off his knees and get his act together.

"Logan?! Logan, oh my God..." someone was saying. Someone was reaching out to him too...

"Don't touch me!" Logan shrieked as a hand rested on his shoulders. Putting his glasses back on, he scrambled to his feet to see a shocked Thomas standing before him with a hand extended, eyes wide with panic. Logan suddenly felt terrible and he backed away, breathing shakily. Thomas was just trying to help. Thomas had defended him. Thomas had been there for him. And how did Logan thank him? He shrieked at him, told him not to touch him.