Sanders Sides One-Shots

Is This Okay?

(Part 2 Coming Soon!)

Warnings: Touch starvation, self-hatred, and crying

Ship(s): Platonic Moxiety

Virgil watched as Patton wrapped Roman in a warm hug for what seemed like the one-hundredth time that day, and he felt his stomach twist and churn into knots. Envy unfurled in his heart as Roman giggled and buried his face in Patton's shoulder, letting him thread his fingers in his hair and tell him how proud he was of the fanciful side for how he'd helped Thomas that day. Virgil's eyes burned and he quickly turned up the music on his phone, shoving his hands in his pockets and sinking into the mind space's living room. He flopped onto a couch and stared up at the ceiling, his hands behind his head.

Why didn't Patton ever hug him? Patton liked everybody, didn't he? So Virgil didn't really see why Patton wouldn't hug him. Unless...Unless he was too different, even for the kindhearted trait. Virgil's hands clenched slightly and pulled at his hair, somewhat snapping him back to reality. He sighed turned over so he was on his side and facing the tv. Of course being different was the reason. Each of the sides was positive and did something to help Thomas, and all Virgil ever did was tear him down and keep him from doing things he wanted to do. Virgil blinked back tears and sighed, curling up slightly. He'd been alone all of his existence, so why wasn't he used to it by now?

"An? You in here, kiddo?" The dark trait jerked slightly at the sound of Patton's voice. it was different. It wasn't happy. It was worried. Was Virgil the reason why Patton was worried?

Oh, my God, I made him upset, oh my God-

"Anxiety? Kiddo, what's wrong? You're shaking!" Patton exclaimed, finding the other man trembling on the couch, his eyes squeezed shut. Patton rested a hand on the other man's shoulder, and his eyes flew open. He quickly sat up, nudging Patton's hand away and trying to ignore the pleasant, almost electric feeling that had raced through him when Patton had touched him.

"'m fine, Pat. Just tired I guess-"

"Really? You've seemed kind of off all day today. Thomas has been worse than usual. I thought maybe something was up with you," Patton interrupted. Virgil blinked, his cheeks tinged with red (he wasn't blushing, there was no way on earth he was blushing). Patton actually sounded like he cared.

"I-I..." Virgil hesitated. He couldn't lie to Patton, not when he was finally showing a bit of compassion towards him. He sat up and patted the spot next to him on the couch, and the fatherly trait sat down next to him with a smile. Virgil took in a shaky breath.

"I just....You're always hugging Roman and Logan, and telling them how amazing they are, and how much they help Thomas, but you...but you hardly ever even talk to me! We hardly have any normal conversations! Is it because I hurt Thomas all the time? Or because I'm too different?" Virgil found himself rambling, waving his hands in the air and nearly hitting Patton in the face. The latter man listened patiently, swallowing and biting his lip as Anxiety rambled on about how he was always showing Roman and Logan affection but never him, and that he was sick of it.

"Anxiety. Anxiety, calm down," Patton said softly, grabbing Virgil's wrists. Virgil jolted, immediately shutting up and staring down at the hands wrapped around his wrists as if he were in awe. Patton could see that his hands were shaking and he was biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. The bespectacled man removed his hands from around Anxiety's wrists and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Is this okay?" Patton asked nervously, listening and watching for any signs of discomfort in the other. Virgil had frozen, his eyes blown wide and his breathing stuttered. Patton was so...so soft, and warm, and...and he smelled good, like sugar cookies, and...and Virgil wanted to hug him back so bad but he didn't know if he should. He didn't know how hugs worked. Would it be over in a second? Would Patton pull away from him and leave? But no, he stayed with his arms wrapped around Virgil almost protectively and his chin resting on Virgil's shoulder. The other sucked in a deep breath and wrapped his arms around Patton's shoulders, shivering slightly and resting his head on Patton's shoulders.

"This...Is this what they're all like?" Virgil whispered, clinging to Patton so tightly he was bunching up the back of his shirt in his fists. Patton didn't know how to reply to that. Anxiety sounded so innocent, so helpless. Had Patton really been rejecting him so badly he didn't even know what a hug felt like?

"Yeah...yeah, this is what most of them are like. Aren't they nice? I love hugging people! You know you can hug me whenever you want, right? Just come up to me whenever and give me one. You don't even have to ask," Patton said kindly. Virgil trembled harder and squeezed his eyes shut, burying his head in Patton's shoulder and wishing this moment would never end.

"Can I? Really?" Virgil asked, his voice muffled against Patton's shoulder. The other trait smiled and one of his hands moved to Anxiety's head, massaging it gently and running his fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, really," Patton whispered. He'd make sure Anxiety never felt like this again.