Sanders Sides One-Shots

Red Eyes

Warnings: Self-deprecation, self-hatred, sleep deprivation, overworking, stress, crying, suicidal talk

Ship(s): Romantic Analogical

Logan laid down curled up on the couch, staring blankly at his laptop, which sat on the coffee table, screen black. He needed to be working right now, but he was just so exhausted. He could barely lift his head off of the couch cushions, and his chest hurt. Dried tear tracks still lingered on Logan's cheeks from his previous breakdowns, and he could feel himself inching closer and closer to another one. He desperately needed to get work done. He started to shake as he tried to prop himself up with his arms, but they collapsed out from under him and he crashed back down on the couch. Logan punched the pillow in frustration, a few tears slipping down his cheeks. He was so useless.

"Hey, Lo. What's up? You trying to take a nap?" Virgil asked as he entered the living room, taking his usual spot in Thomas' armchair. Logan closed his eyes and nodded, deciding that lying a little bit wouldn't hurt his boyfriend. Virgil smiled, looking relieved.

"Good. The bags under your eyes are getting dark enough to compete with my eyeshadow. You deserve some rest," Virgil cooed, and he got up from his chair to sit at the end of the couch where' Logan's feet were. Logan bit his lip as Virgil reached up and brushed his hair out of his face, thumbing his cheek gently.

"Wait...your cheeks are wet," Virgil muttered, confused. Logan grimaced and looked up at his lover, revealing his tear stained face and puffy, red eyes. Virgil frowned and shifted down to the other end of the couch, resting Logan's head on his lap. Logan whimpered, hiding his face in his hands in shame. Virgil had seen he was crying. He probably thought he was a failure. He probably hated him. He probably thought he was useless-

"Your eyes are red...were you crying?" Virgil asked softly, no malice or judgment in his tone. Logan trembled slightly and shook his head wildly. Virgil couldn't know he couldn't know he couldn't know HE COULDN'T KNOW HE COULDN'T KNOW-

"Hey, hey, don't cry. It's okay, I'm not mad," Virgil whispered, running his fingers gently through Logan's hair, bending down and pressing a gentle kiss to the forehead. Logan held back a sob and buried his face in Virgil's lap, trembling as Virgil carded his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," Logan choked out, unable to hold back his tears and sobs, his body jerking and his chest heaving uncontrollably. Virgil's face twisted with pain and he pulled Logan up, wrapping his arms around him in a tight, loving embrace, and allowing Logan to bury his face in his chest.

"Don't apologize. Feelings are normal. This is normal. You-"

"No, it's not! I'm not supposed to feel. I-I am Logic, I-I...I am supposed to work, to get things done, to function! I-I...I'm so worthless, I wish I could die. I d-deserve to...to die. Virgil, I want to d-die!" Logan wailed, his voice muffled by Virgil's shirt. His boyfriend paled and clutched him closer to his chest, gripping the back of his shirt tightly.

"Don't you dare say that. Don't you dare, Logan. You are amazing and talented, and smart, and don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise! You...You don't deserve to die, and you deserve to feel. You deserve a break. You deserve to eat and sleep and to cry when you need to. You deserve it all, and that's that," Virgil said firmly, trying to keep his tears at bay. Logan whimpered softly, saying nothing, his thoughts howling at screaming at him that Virgil was lying to him, he didn't love him, he just pitied him.

Virgil tilted Logan's head up and Logan's eyes fluttered as Virgil pressed his lips against Logan's in a gentle, loving kiss, resting a hand on his cheek and thumbing it gently, wiping the tears away and helping to smooth slightly. Logan shook as he tangled his fingers in Virgil's hair, kissing him back earnestly, letting out all of his pent-up anger, self-hatred, and frustration out into the kiss. Virgil wrapped his arms tightly around his waist, his hands trembling. He could practically feel Logan's suffering as if it were his own, and it killed him. Logan pulled away after what seemed like an eternity, gasping for air, his chest heaving and tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I-I love you, Virgil," Logan said, cupping Virgil's face in his hands and pressing their foreheads together, still sobbing softly.

"I love you too," Virgil whispered, closing his eyes as he ran his fingers up and down Logan's back. "And I'll never stop, no matter how you feel, no matter what you do. I'll always be here."

"Always?"

"Always."