so i'm upset
which is irrelevant
idk i just feel rlly out of it and confused. more than empty. pointless in these oceans of people; unimportant. it's mind boggling how there's literally 7 billion beings out there; facing their own problems and living their own lives. everyone had a beginning, and currently they're reaching the end figuratively, and, literally.
i'm not capable of making big changes to the world, in my eyes. i have no extraordinary abilities. my personality isn't memorable nor my backstory. i legit have no real purpose in staying alive. what even is my true worth in this universe? i'm just a spec of nothing. i'm one unoriginal human among many, amazing, and brilliant humans. i'm a waste of space walking through whichever place i find my feet on. and i am 100% sure i haven't impacted anyone's well being strongly by coming into their lives. sure, i might be friends with that particular someone; heck, i might've even helped them through rough times. that could possibly be u, for all i know. but it still isn't enough to be considered something admirable. i'm just helping because i'm a decent person, i'd like to think. and because i care about u, a lot. me staying here has no true reason. i'm not going to be able to make a positive change to the world. someone else will. someone who's good; talented; god-gifted with a heart of gold. that isn't me, definitely.
perhaps i'm just going too hard on myself. perhaps i just have too much high expectations for my lowly and shameful self. perhaps i should just accept the fact that i'm not capable of doing anything phenomenally great - and that's alright. but, u know, once u have this negative mindset installed into your perspective on life - well, it's hard to change it to something as bright as an optimistic's view. although, i know - baby steps still count. they still lead u to whatever dream u want. i'm aware. and i'm aware of how much i despised that saying. it's true as fuck, but i don't know. i don't like it at all.
what the bloody hell even is this chapter? what the bloody hell am i even? why do people slightly care about me? caring about my well being gains u nothing in the end. you're wasting your time. go and care about someone who's actually worthwhile. gosh.
i'm sad and i think that's obvious enough at this point, hays
bye.
