hi everyone ! i hope you're having a good day, and if it's not, then i hope you'll have a better tomorrow. anyway. today's topic is my crippling perfectionism and how it gets in the way of eVERYTHING and my entire LIFE!!! ok, let's begin with some hopefully relatable ✨examples✨
1) as i am such a perfectionist, everything that i make that isn't up to my standards or definition of "perfect" instantly becomes trash to me. like literal garbage (wow, what great self-confidence you have, sisley!! :o). therefore, that explains why i have so many drafts of the same chapter because i'm not satisfied with anything. you know the upcoming book i've been writing that has my oc, minerva, in it? yeah, the bloody prologue has SEVEN revisions - and those seven revisions are like 1000 or less words long. HA.
2) when you write so much of the same thing just to achieve perfection, eventually you'll burn out. that what happens to me. and then when i'm burned out, it gradually becomes into a writer's block, proceeded by a slight fear of ever writing again because i know that in my eyes it'll not be good enough. bEING A PERFECTIONIST SUCKS!!!
3) for myself and my creations, i can never accept something that isn't up to my standards even if it's decent - if it's decent in someone else's eyes, then it's probably horrible in my perspective. and, because i cannot produce perfection in a snap of a finger or on the first try (usually), i am prone to create my art in a way that is unsatisfactory to me - which then gets marked as a failure. i don't really like failing, and when i fail, i become embarrassed and humiliated - and, yes, i know that's a pretty toxic mindset because pff "people aren't perfect" pff but at least i'm self-aware, right??? oof.
anyway, that's all i have to say on the topic right now, so ciao ☀️
